letter of complaint

Dear I teeth,

We have a problem.

First, I don't really understand why you need to be in Maya's mouth. After all, she doesn't REALLY need anymore devices of destruction.

Second, all four at once? Seriously?

And third, if you're going to come, just get on with it. I am tired because Maya doesn't sleep and she is tired because of the same. Crying and whining have become the soundtrack of our house. Chewing on household items is now commonplace and I am tempted, but dare not, use something stronger than Ibuprofen. Whiskey anyone? Percocet?

So, honestly, just set your mind to it and pop through those gums. Go to a seminar, read an inspirational quote to motivate you. PLEASE, just let us go on with our normally chaotic, slightly out-of-control normal state of crazy, OK?

Kind of sincerely,
an imploring, somewhat desperate mom