where is the how-to manual???

These things have me shaking my head and asking, "Already???"

Ella was scared the other night and came in our room to get me. I wasn't in my bed, having chosen to sleep my cold-ridden self downstairs. She became seriously alarmed when she couldn't find me and was not comforted enough by Sandi (probably more because of my uncertain whereabouts than anything else) and had to come downstairs where I was sleeping. It took a while to calm her down.

The next day she told me she was really frightened when I wasn't in my bed and she didn't know where I was. "I thought you died," she told me, tearfully.

Yikes.

Then, yesterday she told me a heartbreaking, albeit totally normal and appropriate, interaction she had with a preschool friend. She had waited to play with this friend when they went outside and when the friend didn't come over to her, Ella went to her and asked her if she wanted to play. Thefriend told her she was going to play with another girl. "I felt really sad. It hurt my feelings." Ella told me.

I wanted to go beat the girl up.

We can't promise our kids our immortality or insulate them at home forever to protect them from hurt feelings on the playground, teasing, not being choosen for their desired team, learning that there are bad people in the world, words that hurt, and people that think killing other people is a sound way to resolve conflict. Tell me, then, how is it that we are supposed to allow them to live and let their hearts get the inevitable tears and cuts that will (hopefully) heal and allow them to become beautiful, kind and compassionate adults? How do we do this and not break ourselves?