reminders of what matters

This is a big training week for me- my fridge calendar tells me I will run a total of 33 miles this week.  So far I have 4 done.  I was planning to run 8 today while the girls were both in school and the weather was promising springy-ness.

But then matters of mommahood came into play overnight and, not unlike lots of other moments of parenting, the things that I want and plan for and dream about go flying out the (still closed, but very sly)window.

Maya developed a fever yesterday afternoon that I hoped was short-lived at bedtime but at 8 pm when I could hear her delirious mumblings upstairs I was fairly certain of what today would look like.  By 11 pm, she was calling for me to come and snuggle with her and that poor girl lay awake, burning hot, for hours.  She lay bug eyed at the ceiling.  Many trips up and down for water, medicine, more medicine and hours going by with no successful sleeping on either of our parts, led us downstairs. 

Medicine working, fever finally abating, Maya scoffed down a glass of water, and English muffin and some pineapple, had me read her a book 25 times in succession and then asked if she could please get dressed.  She didn't seem to understand the middle of the night bit. 

Eventually by 2 am I had her tucked back in bed and myself, neck ache and all, back in my bed where I lay awake thinking of all the super sick Influenza patients Sandi has been caring for in the ICU.  Maya has a knack from going from sort of sick to scary sick.  So in that moment I let go of the 8 miles, the lost sleep, the change in plans. Instead I blessed the feel of her hot little hand in mine, the comfort of my cool hand on her inferno forehead and the knowing that my heart and my schedule are big enough for my dreams and goals and plans and to comfort my little one when she needs me most.