soaking up fall

We have a full time blader in our midst now:

And the normal risk taking activities from our youngest:

Maya does like to blade, but it is hard when running is so much faster.

Everywhere we go, kids are on wheels.

We spent some of our coveted Sunday afternoon family time with Mindy, Charissa and Emerson and had fun playing outside, carving pumpkins and just all being together since we so rarely are these days.

Nothing soothes the spirit like some time in the woods, crunching on leaves and remaining suspended between the glorious extroversion of summer and the quiet introversion of winter. Autumn has got it all going on: sweatshirt weather, azure skies, sunshine that must be coaxed into warmth, birthdays for both our girls, applesauce to make, no more lawn to mow, first wood fires, bike rides that can still be taken and trees boasting their annual brilliance.

Every now and then I get this panicky feeling deep inside me about the girls growing up.  Ella is so wise to things that we do and say now.  Spelling words as a method of stealth is no longer a secure protocol.   I can feel the shine of innocence losing its luster.  Maya has big ideas, angry rants and affections that seem to stretch across the world.

Yet...

Both girls crave snuggle time.  Ella still wants to hold my hand in hers when we walk, my presence is still requested for lengthy periods at bedtime and she cries often about going back to school because she will miss me.  I relish Maya's tiny hand in mine, her soft cheeks, her occasional baby smell when she sleeps.  In a few days she will be four and suddenly I no longer feel like I have LITTLE kids.   We have bigger kids- ones that can be left in the house so I can walk the dog up the road, can get dressed alone, can buckle their seat belts, skate alone, chew gum, draw pictures, play elaborate imaginary games, have goals and dreams and real disappointments. 

It's not that I want to go back. I love where they are exactly right now.  I wish to freeze time right here for the, but allow time to pass for Sandi to finish school so she doesn't miss it.  It all feels like it is happening so fast. I feel like I am going to wake up in the morning and they will be packing for college and I will want my babies back.

But, alas, perhaps I can just step back and realize that while they are in fact bigger, older, wiser, they are also so much more themselves and I can love them all the more deeply.

These are my girls and man, oh, man do I love them.