I really wanted to go for a run today. Needed to go for a run. As in, needed to get back on the horse after my last Wednesday fiasco.
Sandi let me know when she was leaving the hospital via bike and I waited in the driveway at the designated time, ipod at the ready, headlamp fastened to my forehead, last minute stretches being performed, waiting to see her flashing light coming up the street. You see it was 8 p.m. and I needed to get moving in order to squeak every bit of daylight out of the evening. I could have passed the baby monitor off to her like the baton. She pulled in and I took off. The relay of the fitness minded moms...
I'm happy to report my legs were not only not rusty but they had the power of a greyhound sprung from the gate. I ran and ran, hitting my stride around 4 miles, a sign I am realizing of a long distance runner, just as darkness fully engulfed me. I smiled and ran, thrilled to overflowing that I had not lost it. You see, I was afraid to admit that maybe running for me really was a fluke and my honeymoon had ended.
I came home and logged tonight's run on mapmyrun.com and finally went back and logged my last Wednesday run that I apparently was too disappointed to care enough to record. The kicker was that I had miscalculated my modified course. It wasn't 9 miles but 10.6 and, even with walking some of it, I averaged a 10:49 minute mile. Again with the perspective...
Oh, and as a side note, I now know that there are people everywhere, even on days as glorious as this one, who can get under my skin if I let them. I am such an external optimist I cannot help but think people are good- almost naively at times. I think people are fair, open-minded, and honest. But then there are people like the man ahead of me in traffic today who had a bumper sticker that said "1-23-13 Obama's Last Day" and I wanted to ram my car right into his back seat...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
life...figured out
Some things we've figured out:
Ella has mastered the very important life skill of blowing on a skeletal dandelion to make it snow in the air.
Maya has determined that in addition to hitting other people when she is angry, it is simply closer and thus more efficient for her to strike herself.
I have learned that the only way to cure the lawn of a really bad looking hair cut is the tried and true weed wack. And that Marden's is the cheapest place to buy mulch. And that the only downside to gardening each night until dark is that you can't really admire your work, although it makes waking up at 5 a.m. all the more rewarding.
I now understand the power of chocolate pudding frozen into a popsicle mold, really good sunscreen, the need to have permission to change clothes several times a day and the merit of fresh, organic veggies from Ella's preschool friend's family until the farm share begins in a couple of weeks.
I also know now that it could be considered a sign of progress that I am not always sure the last time that I showered.
Sandi has figured out that she loves to ride her bike to work. If you see strobe lights up ahead before 6 a.m. or close to 8 p.m. on the Main Rd. it's likely her.
I have decided that it makes me ridiculously happy to beautify my little corner of the world.
Ella has learned some new ways of determining things- specifically psychic connection. At lunch today she said to me, "My spirit tells me that that is not a good idea."
Ella has mastered the very important life skill of blowing on a skeletal dandelion to make it snow in the air.
Maya has determined that in addition to hitting other people when she is angry, it is simply closer and thus more efficient for her to strike herself.
I have learned that the only way to cure the lawn of a really bad looking hair cut is the tried and true weed wack. And that Marden's is the cheapest place to buy mulch. And that the only downside to gardening each night until dark is that you can't really admire your work, although it makes waking up at 5 a.m. all the more rewarding.
I now understand the power of chocolate pudding frozen into a popsicle mold, really good sunscreen, the need to have permission to change clothes several times a day and the merit of fresh, organic veggies from Ella's preschool friend's family until the farm share begins in a couple of weeks.
I also know now that it could be considered a sign of progress that I am not always sure the last time that I showered.
Sandi has figured out that she loves to ride her bike to work. If you see strobe lights up ahead before 6 a.m. or close to 8 p.m. on the Main Rd. it's likely her.
I have decided that it makes me ridiculously happy to beautify my little corner of the world.
Ella has learned some new ways of determining things- specifically psychic connection. At lunch today she said to me, "My spirit tells me that that is not a good idea."
Monday, May 18, 2009
extrapolation
Ella was coloring Swiper the Fox (as in from Dora the Explorer.)
"Look Mom! Come see what I did!"
I went in to see poor Swiper had one red eye.
"He has pink eye!" she announced proudly.
Oh, brother...
"Look Mom! Come see what I did!"
I went in to see poor Swiper had one red eye.
"He has pink eye!" she announced proudly.
Oh, brother...
My Memorial Day Weekend
Memorial Day weekend- yard work, sun, BBQ, summer kick off... Sandi ends up working almost every year and this year, almost accidentally, we celebrated early. No BBQ but we had the sun (one day) and we had the yard work for sure. And summer? Well just ask Ella who was out in the yard, rubber lady bugs boot full of mud and on top? Why a lovely, flowing summer halter dress no less. She was digging in the dirt, climbing trees and getting soaked by the hose- all while dressed for a formal dinner. And if the dirty threshold was met? She would disappear into the house and come out literally about 20 minutes later with a new, fancier outfit on.
It is a crying shame I don't have photos. I promise. This is next on my list. Learn how to use the damn camera- oh, and the computer while you're at it.
For whatever reason, I haven't been able to get back on the running horse since my misadventure last week. I kind of have a (mostly) irrational fear that I will not be able to run home and that I will be stranded somewhere in Hampden. But, no worries, for the past few days I have replaced my somewhat compulsive running with marathon gardening.
My perennial garden has gotten a full face lift- weed-free, relocation of the plants that were in a traffic pile-up and choking each other, yummy, velvety mulch sitting like skirts beneath each plant and now, beautiful landscaping ties as a real border giving my garden a classy look. (I promise I will take some pictures!) I have worked until dark for the past three days, and even in the rain yesterday morning because I want so much to be out there. Ella helped me plant, water and mulch what we now call "Ella's garden" (a small jetty off the main garden) and Maya helped by taking all the mulch and tossing it on to the lawn.
We had some much needed family time frolicking and working around our yard, cleaning the garage, swinging on the playset, mowing the lawn, decorating and finding summer toys. Our backyard is reminiscent of an amusement park right now. Sounds a lot like Memorial Day weekend doesn't it? And what I would give to have this as the bonus Monday holiday but, alas, Sandi is back at work...
As a p.s...
Ella asked me, "Momma, can you just stay home forever?"
The other night before bed: "I can't wait to have kids of my own." (yikes...)
To Brady, standing in the driveway admiring their bikes after their preschool bike parade: "Um, I hate to tell you Brady, but you've got a spider on your bike."
One of Ella's common things to say, thumb in mouth, security blanket at the ready, tired eyes on: "Momma, can we snuggle when we get home?" I said, "Sure. I wonder if there will be a time that you don't want to snuggle with me." She looked very serious and then rubbed yellow blankie along her cheek as she does when she is tired. "I will want to snuggle with you forever."
Oh, God. If only that were true...
It is a crying shame I don't have photos. I promise. This is next on my list. Learn how to use the damn camera- oh, and the computer while you're at it.
For whatever reason, I haven't been able to get back on the running horse since my misadventure last week. I kind of have a (mostly) irrational fear that I will not be able to run home and that I will be stranded somewhere in Hampden. But, no worries, for the past few days I have replaced my somewhat compulsive running with marathon gardening.
My perennial garden has gotten a full face lift- weed-free, relocation of the plants that were in a traffic pile-up and choking each other, yummy, velvety mulch sitting like skirts beneath each plant and now, beautiful landscaping ties as a real border giving my garden a classy look. (I promise I will take some pictures!) I have worked until dark for the past three days, and even in the rain yesterday morning because I want so much to be out there. Ella helped me plant, water and mulch what we now call "Ella's garden" (a small jetty off the main garden) and Maya helped by taking all the mulch and tossing it on to the lawn.
We had some much needed family time frolicking and working around our yard, cleaning the garage, swinging on the playset, mowing the lawn, decorating and finding summer toys. Our backyard is reminiscent of an amusement park right now. Sounds a lot like Memorial Day weekend doesn't it? And what I would give to have this as the bonus Monday holiday but, alas, Sandi is back at work...
As a p.s...
Ella asked me, "Momma, can you just stay home forever?"
The other night before bed: "I can't wait to have kids of my own." (yikes...)
To Brady, standing in the driveway admiring their bikes after their preschool bike parade: "Um, I hate to tell you Brady, but you've got a spider on your bike."
One of Ella's common things to say, thumb in mouth, security blanket at the ready, tired eyes on: "Momma, can we snuggle when we get home?" I said, "Sure. I wonder if there will be a time that you don't want to snuggle with me." She looked very serious and then rubbed yellow blankie along her cheek as she does when she is tired. "I will want to snuggle with you forever."
Oh, God. If only that were true...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
reality check
For those of you who think I am completely barking mad, allow me to share with you the level of my insanity.
Today promised to be one of the nicest days of the week and, due to schedule constrictions/negotiations and my preference to run early in the day, especially a long run, I decided to run EARLY this morning. As in, woke up at 4:30 a.m. aiming to run a very ambitious 12 miles.
Now this is only 1 mile more than my furthest run so far. This didn't seem out of the realm of possibility. Emilie warned me I might hit the "wall" going so bleeding early in the morning but I felt confident that, being the morning person I am (read: have been forced to become) along with the added incentive of running without so much traffic, I would be fine.
Enter in some crucial long distance running lessons...
1. If you wake at 4:30 a.m. feeling nauseated after a restless night with a crying baby and some difficulty breathing, best to ignore the alarm when it attempts to remind you of your lofty goals. Especially if you feel like you might get the runs.
2. If you want to exercise the day before a big run, best to lay off the lunges. (I swear it wasn't that many and they rarely make me sore, but, HELLO! to the exception.)
3. If you plan a 2 hour run, for heaven's sake, eat more the night before.
I didn't do the extra loop that would have made the trek 12 miles. Let's be honest, I almost didn't finish the entire 9 miles of the modified course. I ended up tired, queasy, deficient on oxygen and with an overall sense that I just couldn't keep running. I probably walked (yes, WALKED) about 1.5 miles as it was. And I'm not sure why I am writing this in the form of True Confessions, except to say that I had a huge reality check as I kept my tired body in motion back to my car.
I may have run slower, I may have struggled, the hills might as well have been Mt. Kilimanjaro, I may have walked, I may have fallen short of my goal... But, hello Suzanne, you still did a 9 mile course! You still got aerobic exercise for 2 hours! You learned valuable lessons and proved to yourself that you are an athlete- one who knows how to listen to her body, stop when it says stop, modify when needed and praise it for its hard work instead of beating it with a stick of perfectionism. Plus... this morning's run made me appreciate how happy and able bodied I feel most of the rest of the time when I'm running...
And I was able to return home in time for Sandi to get to work and shower in a time frame acceptable to the sweat-phobic Ella.
Today promised to be one of the nicest days of the week and, due to schedule constrictions/negotiations and my preference to run early in the day, especially a long run, I decided to run EARLY this morning. As in, woke up at 4:30 a.m. aiming to run a very ambitious 12 miles.
Now this is only 1 mile more than my furthest run so far. This didn't seem out of the realm of possibility. Emilie warned me I might hit the "wall" going so bleeding early in the morning but I felt confident that, being the morning person I am (read: have been forced to become) along with the added incentive of running without so much traffic, I would be fine.
Enter in some crucial long distance running lessons...
1. If you wake at 4:30 a.m. feeling nauseated after a restless night with a crying baby and some difficulty breathing, best to ignore the alarm when it attempts to remind you of your lofty goals. Especially if you feel like you might get the runs.
2. If you want to exercise the day before a big run, best to lay off the lunges. (I swear it wasn't that many and they rarely make me sore, but, HELLO! to the exception.)
3. If you plan a 2 hour run, for heaven's sake, eat more the night before.
I didn't do the extra loop that would have made the trek 12 miles. Let's be honest, I almost didn't finish the entire 9 miles of the modified course. I ended up tired, queasy, deficient on oxygen and with an overall sense that I just couldn't keep running. I probably walked (yes, WALKED) about 1.5 miles as it was. And I'm not sure why I am writing this in the form of True Confessions, except to say that I had a huge reality check as I kept my tired body in motion back to my car.
I may have run slower, I may have struggled, the hills might as well have been Mt. Kilimanjaro, I may have walked, I may have fallen short of my goal... But, hello Suzanne, you still did a 9 mile course! You still got aerobic exercise for 2 hours! You learned valuable lessons and proved to yourself that you are an athlete- one who knows how to listen to her body, stop when it says stop, modify when needed and praise it for its hard work instead of beating it with a stick of perfectionism. Plus... this morning's run made me appreciate how happy and able bodied I feel most of the rest of the time when I'm running...
And I was able to return home in time for Sandi to get to work and shower in a time frame acceptable to the sweat-phobic Ella.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Can you spell relief? P-U-M-P
Miraculously, my new electronic pancreas arrived at my door from California a mere 15 hours after it broke. It is programmed and up and running and shiny and new and purple.
And I'm happy as a peach. Ahh, the power of insulin.
And I'm happy as a peach. Ahh, the power of insulin.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Technologically oh, so insufficient
This happens to me once about every 2-3 years. And when it does, I hold back tears, pray a little, try to imagine what it would be like to feel Valium coursing comfortingly through my veins and I dial the toll free crisis- I mean clinical support-line.
My insulin pump is down.
For me, people, this is like cutting off my arm and watching it lie disobediently on the floor all the while being told it will be sewn back on tomorrow and it will all be fine but not being able to fully comprehend just how far away tomorrow is or if the person saying this is telling you a lie to prevent a total freak-out.
So, the buttons malfunctioned this evening and the pump can do nothing now. It is completely dead- as in no more insulin delivery- as in get out the syringes and the insulin bottle and wake up every 2-3 hours in the night to give myself the insulin the pump SHOULD be giving me. I might as well just rub sticks together to get the fire going and go shoot some supper in the back woods. I know, you think I'm overreacting but this is a BIG FREAKING DEAL for me.
The good news is that a shiny new, button-working replacement will be here by 10:30 a.m. Good work Medtronic Diabetes. You get an A+ in customer service.
And for now, this very technologically dependent diabetic is flying solo, no indiglo pancreas, no continuous infusion of insulin, no blood sugar reading from my sensor every 5 minutes, no bolus wizard. Alas, I feel naked and vulnerable but I will be up and running as the advanced, PhD candidate diabetic I strive to be before noon tomorrow...
My insulin pump is down.
For me, people, this is like cutting off my arm and watching it lie disobediently on the floor all the while being told it will be sewn back on tomorrow and it will all be fine but not being able to fully comprehend just how far away tomorrow is or if the person saying this is telling you a lie to prevent a total freak-out.
So, the buttons malfunctioned this evening and the pump can do nothing now. It is completely dead- as in no more insulin delivery- as in get out the syringes and the insulin bottle and wake up every 2-3 hours in the night to give myself the insulin the pump SHOULD be giving me. I might as well just rub sticks together to get the fire going and go shoot some supper in the back woods. I know, you think I'm overreacting but this is a BIG FREAKING DEAL for me.
The good news is that a shiny new, button-working replacement will be here by 10:30 a.m. Good work Medtronic Diabetes. You get an A+ in customer service.
And for now, this very technologically dependent diabetic is flying solo, no indiglo pancreas, no continuous infusion of insulin, no blood sugar reading from my sensor every 5 minutes, no bolus wizard. Alas, I feel naked and vulnerable but I will be up and running as the advanced, PhD candidate diabetic I strive to be before noon tomorrow...
Sunday, May 10, 2009
love, fashion and quaratine
Lately when Ella and I put Maya down for a nap, after we shut the door and can hear Maya making her settling noises and flopping around a bit in her crib, Ella goes right up to the crack in the door and whispers, "I love you Baby Girl. Have a good nap. We'll see you soon."
Can't you just feel that love? Don't you want to roll it up and smoke it?
Sandi's mom gave the girls some "get well" money this week since they had to miss a trip to Beals (and I got to go alone with four glorious hours of driving solo and not having to pack sippy cups or listen to Little Einsteins!) since Ella was sick. Sick like needed prednisone to open her bronchitis ridden airways so she could breath. Oh, and a double ear infection to push our level of insanity even further over the edge. (Yes, I know, Maria...the bubble family.) Seriously, though we did quarantine and didn't go out until the germs were under reasonable control to spend said get well money. Who knew we could make money for sick kids? We should be freakin millionaires.
Can you guess what Ella wanted to spend hers on?
We spent easily 45 minutes in the Children's Place selecting dresses and skirts, trying them on in the dressing room (while one of us chased Maya the escape artist who would scurry under the door as soon as attention was diverted) and then twirling in front of the three-way mirror. We tried to do some lessons in math to keep her within her spending budget because seriously, if we don't stop now, we can forget helping with college. It would take a lot of thinking for me to come up with the last memory I have of Ella looking as happy as she did, with the mile-wide grin and the sparkling eyes as she made her way around her domain of clothing. The money went very far in helping her feel well.
But the clincher? She is in full accessory mode including shoes, jewelry and hair adornment, has taken to wetting her hair with water and "styling" it in the morning and often cries (actually cries! when she can't find shoes "pretty enough" to wear with an outfit. She selected a headband and sunglasses at the store and said to Sandi, "Now do I look like a real rock star?"
And yesterday when I told her that Tia was downstairs, she called to me, "Show her up."
Are you kidding me?
And here is Maya, in stark contrast... We were grocery shopping at Hannaford, where it turns out the really nice people work, and Maya was eating cranberries from the newly opened bag. As we neared the frozen section a very nice employee stopped me to alert me of a "small" spill that had occurred. I turned and saw the wake of a cranberry explosion behind me and Maya, chubby fist stuffed in the now empty cranberry bag and a grin. I swear if he hadn't told me, I would have gotten to the check-out and thought she ate them all. This man actually fetched me a new bag, cleaned up the cranberry massacre and said it was no different that an accidental spill and told me it was no charge. I feel like I should carry some sort of warning or insurance when we go out with Baby Distructo.
About five minutes after this, she who can open everything, opened her sippy cup full of water in the car (and now soaking through her clothing) and looked at me with a goofy grin, her pink Boston Red Sox cap with the bill off to one side all very reminiscent of Dennis the Menace. This morning she brought me a bag of popcorn she had snatched from a bag I have packed to go to my sister's this afternoon, told me with her hands in no uncertain gestures that she wanted it and then threw a full out, feet and fists stomping on the floor tantrum when I wouldn't let her eat it for breakfast.
Could these children be more different?
Okay, and one quick HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the mothers out there. Hat off and low bow to you. Because there is no husband fawning over the mother in this household, Mother's Day is a bit downplayed here. Kind of like, yeah, we're equals, good job, I cleaned up poop this morning, you were up all night, rock on. I got some awesome new running clothes and my big request (which I got in addition to pink eye this morning) was to get to go for a run this morning before Sandi left for work which meant she had to get ready and be on Maya-climbing-on-all-the-furniture-and-tearing-the-house-apart duty. She got a new pair of sneakers- which she picked out and bought by herself and we made her a pan of her favorite-Rice Krispy treats- and bought her a Sam Adam's variety pack to aid her on her new beer conisiour thing. Plus a painting by Ella that said "I love you xo." What could be better?
Can't you just feel that love? Don't you want to roll it up and smoke it?
Sandi's mom gave the girls some "get well" money this week since they had to miss a trip to Beals (and I got to go alone with four glorious hours of driving solo and not having to pack sippy cups or listen to Little Einsteins!) since Ella was sick. Sick like needed prednisone to open her bronchitis ridden airways so she could breath. Oh, and a double ear infection to push our level of insanity even further over the edge. (Yes, I know, Maria...the bubble family.) Seriously, though we did quarantine and didn't go out until the germs were under reasonable control to spend said get well money. Who knew we could make money for sick kids? We should be freakin millionaires.
Can you guess what Ella wanted to spend hers on?
We spent easily 45 minutes in the Children's Place selecting dresses and skirts, trying them on in the dressing room (while one of us chased Maya the escape artist who would scurry under the door as soon as attention was diverted) and then twirling in front of the three-way mirror. We tried to do some lessons in math to keep her within her spending budget because seriously, if we don't stop now, we can forget helping with college. It would take a lot of thinking for me to come up with the last memory I have of Ella looking as happy as she did, with the mile-wide grin and the sparkling eyes as she made her way around her domain of clothing. The money went very far in helping her feel well.
But the clincher? She is in full accessory mode including shoes, jewelry and hair adornment, has taken to wetting her hair with water and "styling" it in the morning and often cries (actually cries! when she can't find shoes "pretty enough" to wear with an outfit. She selected a headband and sunglasses at the store and said to Sandi, "Now do I look like a real rock star?"
And yesterday when I told her that Tia was downstairs, she called to me, "Show her up."
Are you kidding me?
And here is Maya, in stark contrast... We were grocery shopping at Hannaford, where it turns out the really nice people work, and Maya was eating cranberries from the newly opened bag. As we neared the frozen section a very nice employee stopped me to alert me of a "small" spill that had occurred. I turned and saw the wake of a cranberry explosion behind me and Maya, chubby fist stuffed in the now empty cranberry bag and a grin. I swear if he hadn't told me, I would have gotten to the check-out and thought she ate them all. This man actually fetched me a new bag, cleaned up the cranberry massacre and said it was no different that an accidental spill and told me it was no charge. I feel like I should carry some sort of warning or insurance when we go out with Baby Distructo.
About five minutes after this, she who can open everything, opened her sippy cup full of water in the car (and now soaking through her clothing) and looked at me with a goofy grin, her pink Boston Red Sox cap with the bill off to one side all very reminiscent of Dennis the Menace. This morning she brought me a bag of popcorn she had snatched from a bag I have packed to go to my sister's this afternoon, told me with her hands in no uncertain gestures that she wanted it and then threw a full out, feet and fists stomping on the floor tantrum when I wouldn't let her eat it for breakfast.
Could these children be more different?
Okay, and one quick HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the mothers out there. Hat off and low bow to you. Because there is no husband fawning over the mother in this household, Mother's Day is a bit downplayed here. Kind of like, yeah, we're equals, good job, I cleaned up poop this morning, you were up all night, rock on. I got some awesome new running clothes and my big request (which I got in addition to pink eye this morning) was to get to go for a run this morning before Sandi left for work which meant she had to get ready and be on Maya-climbing-on-all-the-furniture-and-tearing-the-house-apart duty. She got a new pair of sneakers- which she picked out and bought by herself and we made her a pan of her favorite-Rice Krispy treats- and bought her a Sam Adam's variety pack to aid her on her new beer conisiour thing. Plus a painting by Ella that said "I love you xo." What could be better?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Power Spring
Those summer temps have fast forwarded a lazy spring into full flying fashion. I went from, yea the buds of bulbs are poking through to, wow, time to mow the grass.
I have seen a bald eagle, and often more than one, nearly every day for the past week. I never see eagles. I feel that they are a good omen, and in Native American medicine they mean Spirit which translates into freedom, perspective above the mundane parts of life in order to see the bigger spiritual picture, the power to recognize strife as a test for the soul and to gather the courage and insight to broaden one's self.
I'll take some of that, thank you very much.
It feels ridiculous, even to me, to write this, but I just ran 11 miles. And I loved it. When it would get hard I would smile and remind myself that there was no where else I would rather be than in the sunshine pushing my body to the max. I figure if my body can work this hard, then surely my heart can too.
And since Ella was at school there was no one to criticize my sweatiness when I returned...
I have seen a bald eagle, and often more than one, nearly every day for the past week. I never see eagles. I feel that they are a good omen, and in Native American medicine they mean Spirit which translates into freedom, perspective above the mundane parts of life in order to see the bigger spiritual picture, the power to recognize strife as a test for the soul and to gather the courage and insight to broaden one's self.
I'll take some of that, thank you very much.
It feels ridiculous, even to me, to write this, but I just ran 11 miles. And I loved it. When it would get hard I would smile and remind myself that there was no where else I would rather be than in the sunshine pushing my body to the max. I figure if my body can work this hard, then surely my heart can too.
And since Ella was at school there was no one to criticize my sweatiness when I returned...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
On women...
If you feel like a reminder about why women are so lucky to be women (or for men to remember why they love the women in their lives) or if you just need a good cry, please watch this 5 minute video on an essay written by Kelly Corrigan:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q
I swear they aren't paying me.
Oh, and by the way... I can do a headstand now. Without the wall.
And I had whoppie pie ice cream for the first time today. Oh, and I am wearing a skirt that I have saved in the bottom of my summer clothes tote very optimistically for fourteen years...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q
I swear they aren't paying me.
Oh, and by the way... I can do a headstand now. Without the wall.
And I had whoppie pie ice cream for the first time today. Oh, and I am wearing a skirt that I have saved in the bottom of my summer clothes tote very optimistically for fourteen years...
tidbits
- Yea, we had our first picnic today! Hello it is 85 degrees out! (The picnic went well until Maya crawled across the food rivaling a whole pack of the most intrusive ants you've ever seen.)
-Ella officially disdains sweat. When I come back from a run, she wrinkles up her nose and says, "Momma when are you going to shower?" Now it is to the point where she won't let me near her and won't even let me fix her lunch until I've bathed.
-Ella was frustrated and said to Brady, "Oh, I give up!" He trailed after her, deploring, "Oh, Ella, please don't give up!"
- Maya was crying after I put her to bed the other night and when I went up to check on her, she had one arm pulled inside her pjs and was flapping the other one around wildly. It won't be long before we have to put them on backwards because she takes them off.
- Sandi took the girls to Petco last week and let Maya walk Mochy around on the leash so that when she wanted Maya to come to her, she just called Mochy and Maya was forced to follow. When they went to checkout, Ella of course, stood contentedly by Sandi in line while Maya took off, running, around a corner, giggling and throwing items off the shelf in her wake. Contrast anyone?
-Ella's hamster, Snowball, passed away. (unfortunately unwitnessed so we aren't exactly sure how long before anyone realized he had made his transition...) Ella asked me if he was a white angel. Um, sure...
-Ella was perseverating on something that had long since been resolved and I told her that it was enough. She sighs in exasperation, "I just can't stop talking about it!"
- If you haven't seen the movie Seven Pounds, please go out and rent it right now. And don't read the blurb on the back. It is way better if you don't know what is going on.
Okay, I am going to make some sort of open ended commitment to learn about the camera and downloading photos because blogs are just better with photos. So, if I fail, someone please call me on it.
-Ella officially disdains sweat. When I come back from a run, she wrinkles up her nose and says, "Momma when are you going to shower?" Now it is to the point where she won't let me near her and won't even let me fix her lunch until I've bathed.
-Ella was frustrated and said to Brady, "Oh, I give up!" He trailed after her, deploring, "Oh, Ella, please don't give up!"
- Maya was crying after I put her to bed the other night and when I went up to check on her, she had one arm pulled inside her pjs and was flapping the other one around wildly. It won't be long before we have to put them on backwards because she takes them off.
- Sandi took the girls to Petco last week and let Maya walk Mochy around on the leash so that when she wanted Maya to come to her, she just called Mochy and Maya was forced to follow. When they went to checkout, Ella of course, stood contentedly by Sandi in line while Maya took off, running, around a corner, giggling and throwing items off the shelf in her wake. Contrast anyone?
-Ella's hamster, Snowball, passed away. (unfortunately unwitnessed so we aren't exactly sure how long before anyone realized he had made his transition...) Ella asked me if he was a white angel. Um, sure...
-Ella was perseverating on something that had long since been resolved and I told her that it was enough. She sighs in exasperation, "I just can't stop talking about it!"
- If you haven't seen the movie Seven Pounds, please go out and rent it right now. And don't read the blurb on the back. It is way better if you don't know what is going on.
Okay, I am going to make some sort of open ended commitment to learn about the camera and downloading photos because blogs are just better with photos. So, if I fail, someone please call me on it.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Yard work, fashion and big deals
If anyone has been missing any pine cones, I can bet you money they snuck over to our front yard in the middle of the night. This was the winter the pine cone took control and made a valiant attempt to overthrow our house. Angela said she didn't think she had ever seen so many pine cones in one place before. My mother was scheming up ways for us to sell them for money (hmmm...) or have a competition for kids that involved a prize for the child laborer who gathered the most.
Turns out the old fashioned rake did the trick and they are mostly gone now. It was a wistful moment to see the grass again.
We've been outside every available minute lately, working in the yard, playing with sidewalk chalk and bubbles and Ella actually riding her bike around the block. My heart beat still. We have to do some serious conniving to get her out a skirt and into some jeans and mud boots but, wow, when she does it, she gets filthy. She came home from school with actual grass stains on her pants the other day. Angela said, "Wow, Mommy would be proud."
Emerson celebrated his 3rd birthday today in style this morning. Ella began getting ready, picking out her pink, fluffy, tulle fairy dress last night. It took more convincing that she might need something more, well practical, for playing outside. She decided on a denim skirt - "a rugged skirt" as she said - an oxymoron I would have thought until watching her in motion.
When she was getting said outfit on this morning, Maya was trying to rip the crown (yes, a crown) off her head and pulling on her tights when Ella got up in a huff, exclaiming, as though she was fourteen instead of four, "I'm going to get ready in MY room!" And she did.
It defies all logic, but I ran 8.5 miles this morning. I truly can't tell you how that is possible. I came home to a somewhat mediocre celebration of my accomplishment. Ella told me, with a wrinkled nose, "Momma, you're sweat smells stinky."
Turns out the old fashioned rake did the trick and they are mostly gone now. It was a wistful moment to see the grass again.
We've been outside every available minute lately, working in the yard, playing with sidewalk chalk and bubbles and Ella actually riding her bike around the block. My heart beat still. We have to do some serious conniving to get her out a skirt and into some jeans and mud boots but, wow, when she does it, she gets filthy. She came home from school with actual grass stains on her pants the other day. Angela said, "Wow, Mommy would be proud."
Emerson celebrated his 3rd birthday today in style this morning. Ella began getting ready, picking out her pink, fluffy, tulle fairy dress last night. It took more convincing that she might need something more, well practical, for playing outside. She decided on a denim skirt - "a rugged skirt" as she said - an oxymoron I would have thought until watching her in motion.
When she was getting said outfit on this morning, Maya was trying to rip the crown (yes, a crown) off her head and pulling on her tights when Ella got up in a huff, exclaiming, as though she was fourteen instead of four, "I'm going to get ready in MY room!" And she did.
It defies all logic, but I ran 8.5 miles this morning. I truly can't tell you how that is possible. I came home to a somewhat mediocre celebration of my accomplishment. Ella told me, with a wrinkled nose, "Momma, you're sweat smells stinky."
Thursday, April 16, 2009
bumper sticker
I saw this on a bumper sticker yesterday and it was just so...fitting:
"I'm not suffering from insanity. I'm enjoying every minute of it."
"I'm not suffering from insanity. I'm enjoying every minute of it."
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
give it a rest Murphy...
Murphy's law... something about if anything can go wrong it will. Well, that seems to sum up my last few days in a nice neat package with a bow.
I discovered last night that I had overdrawn our business checking account at our new bank by erroneously recording a deposit for double the amount. I also found out, when I went to set up the new checkbook with the lovely, new, made-from-recycled-paper checks that I had put the business checking number on the personal checks. Went back and forth all day with the bank and found the deposit/overdrawn error to be mine (remember in Monopoly bank error in your favor? never happens to me) and had to bite the money for the fees, the new checks and the lost deposit amount that was never deposited and the two weeks it will take to get new, properly encoded, checks,. This set my day off right...
The girls and I waited for 45 minutes with a sick, clingy, lethargic, feverish and by the end crying, Maya at the doctor's office- a never-before-seen-occurrence at Husson Pediatrics. Turns out the third time is a charm- she has a sinus infection and fluid on her ear drums. Sounds painful? She thinks so too.
HAD to go to the store because we ran out of toilet paper YESTERDAY and were using tissues. Also had to get Ibuprofen and $100 worth of other essential items (despite having spent $120 at Hannaford a mere 4 days ago) and then make ANOTHER stop (at Hannaford again) to get non-chlorinated diapers because Maya's bum is fire engine red again. Was told antibiotic might make it worse. Great.
Next stop the pharmacy where we wait an eternity for the woman ahead of us to resolve her prescription issues. Now a very crappy feeling, but up until now, very tolerant Maya, begins to unwind. The crying starts. It is 4 p.m. I have fed the kids lunch and snacks in the car, dragged them all over town, let them play in the van in the grocery store parking lot so I could confer with the bank, and at least felt I had balanced the scales by taking them to the park before the whole escapade began at 11:30 after preschool pick-up. Ella left the house at 8:30 this morning and didn't come home until 4.
In addition to all of this, I got a ticket- an actual written TICKET- on Easter Sunday at the Togus VA hospital for walking my dog illegally (and ignorantly as it turns out), Ella asked me tonight if I was going to apologize to her in the morning for being grumpy (when I told her, quite sternly, that I had had enough of her talking back to me AND had held it together REALLY well despite the stress of the afternoon), Maya had a 102.4 fever when we got home, and I never got a much needed re-caffination this afternoon.
But all it takes is just a drop of perspective to turn it all around. And here are several:
It was 55 degrees out today!! After all our craziness the kids and I came home and played for the first time on the recently snow-uncovered playset in the backyard.
An elderly woman with orange lipstick was admiring our girls last week at the pharmacy and said to me, "Oh, they grow so fast. My babies are 55 and 61 now." And then, wistfully, "I swear I had more fun than they did."
But, most poignantly...I met a woman of at least 50 years today while we waited at the doctor's. She was rocking a sleeping boy in a stroller and told me she hadn't had much sleep since she had been at the ER until 3 a.m. and gathered I hadn't either given the sick state of my child. (I truly appreciate when people can see this and acknowledge this.) She then told me the story of 19 month-old Joshua who was born into this world perfect and was so severely abused by his parents that he now has extensive brain damage. His spine was snapped so he had the motor control of a 6 week old and always will. He has a feeding tube, will never walk or talk and will likely only live to be 4 or 5. She is in the process of adopting him. She had 3 kids of her own, an adopted girl who is an adult now, another special needs child she adopted who died last year and now this little angel of a boy who, when he woke and began to cry, she scooped his little body up and placed him on her chest and rocked and soothed him back to sleep. She told me when she got him he cried when he was touched because it was so unfamiliar to him. She spoke of him with such tenderness and love, I was in tears. Tears for her beautiful heart, for a world where parents could do that to their child, for the shame I felt at begrudging so many hours of much needed sleep to my sick and hurting, but otherwise perfect, little girl.
I discovered last night that I had overdrawn our business checking account at our new bank by erroneously recording a deposit for double the amount. I also found out, when I went to set up the new checkbook with the lovely, new, made-from-recycled-paper checks that I had put the business checking number on the personal checks. Went back and forth all day with the bank and found the deposit/overdrawn error to be mine (remember in Monopoly bank error in your favor? never happens to me) and had to bite the money for the fees, the new checks and the lost deposit amount that was never deposited and the two weeks it will take to get new, properly encoded, checks,. This set my day off right...
The girls and I waited for 45 minutes with a sick, clingy, lethargic, feverish and by the end crying, Maya at the doctor's office- a never-before-seen-occurrence at Husson Pediatrics. Turns out the third time is a charm- she has a sinus infection and fluid on her ear drums. Sounds painful? She thinks so too.
HAD to go to the store because we ran out of toilet paper YESTERDAY and were using tissues. Also had to get Ibuprofen and $100 worth of other essential items (despite having spent $120 at Hannaford a mere 4 days ago) and then make ANOTHER stop (at Hannaford again) to get non-chlorinated diapers because Maya's bum is fire engine red again. Was told antibiotic might make it worse. Great.
Next stop the pharmacy where we wait an eternity for the woman ahead of us to resolve her prescription issues. Now a very crappy feeling, but up until now, very tolerant Maya, begins to unwind. The crying starts. It is 4 p.m. I have fed the kids lunch and snacks in the car, dragged them all over town, let them play in the van in the grocery store parking lot so I could confer with the bank, and at least felt I had balanced the scales by taking them to the park before the whole escapade began at 11:30 after preschool pick-up. Ella left the house at 8:30 this morning and didn't come home until 4.
In addition to all of this, I got a ticket- an actual written TICKET- on Easter Sunday at the Togus VA hospital for walking my dog illegally (and ignorantly as it turns out), Ella asked me tonight if I was going to apologize to her in the morning for being grumpy (when I told her, quite sternly, that I had had enough of her talking back to me AND had held it together REALLY well despite the stress of the afternoon), Maya had a 102.4 fever when we got home, and I never got a much needed re-caffination this afternoon.
But all it takes is just a drop of perspective to turn it all around. And here are several:
It was 55 degrees out today!! After all our craziness the kids and I came home and played for the first time on the recently snow-uncovered playset in the backyard.
An elderly woman with orange lipstick was admiring our girls last week at the pharmacy and said to me, "Oh, they grow so fast. My babies are 55 and 61 now." And then, wistfully, "I swear I had more fun than they did."
But, most poignantly...I met a woman of at least 50 years today while we waited at the doctor's. She was rocking a sleeping boy in a stroller and told me she hadn't had much sleep since she had been at the ER until 3 a.m. and gathered I hadn't either given the sick state of my child. (I truly appreciate when people can see this and acknowledge this.) She then told me the story of 19 month-old Joshua who was born into this world perfect and was so severely abused by his parents that he now has extensive brain damage. His spine was snapped so he had the motor control of a 6 week old and always will. He has a feeding tube, will never walk or talk and will likely only live to be 4 or 5. She is in the process of adopting him. She had 3 kids of her own, an adopted girl who is an adult now, another special needs child she adopted who died last year and now this little angel of a boy who, when he woke and began to cry, she scooped his little body up and placed him on her chest and rocked and soothed him back to sleep. She told me when she got him he cried when he was touched because it was so unfamiliar to him. She spoke of him with such tenderness and love, I was in tears. Tears for her beautiful heart, for a world where parents could do that to their child, for the shame I felt at begrudging so many hours of much needed sleep to my sick and hurting, but otherwise perfect, little girl.
Not even coffee can help this...
Some of you may know that I have never been a coffee drinker. It is a bit of an ongoing opportunity for others to poke fun at me. Charissa once said to me, "I don't understand. How is it again that you don't drink coffee? That is just weird." I got coffee for two years in a row in my Christmas stocking at the Carvers and made such a big deal out of my lack of interest in the java that this year I got my favorite tea stuffed into a Folger's bag.
Well, if necessity is the mother of invention then my need for wakefulness has indeed prompted a full out commitment on my part to acquire a taste for coffee. (For anyone out there who needs such a regimen I will tell you my secret: hot chocolate. Just put a few teaspoons in the bottom of the mug, pour your coffee and then add a generous amount of milk.) This has worked wonders and now I am able to decrease the taste crutches so I can actually taste the coffee and like it. Sandi made some seriously weak coffee yesterday morning and I caught myself saying, "This coffee is too weak, even for me..."
But now I realize, somewhat belatedly and certainly grudgingly, that coffee can only take me so far... This is a hard fall that others have surely already experienced but please sympathize with me briefly.
Maya hasn't really slept for the past week- from coughing all night, to teething pain, to other nebulous problems that cause nocturnal upset, to fever and delirium last night- I have been averaging about 5 hours of sleep a night. Luckily (?) for me I got Bronchitis at the end of last week and got one heavenly, albeit through a haze of sickness, twelve hour uninterupted nights sleep. That is probably augmenting the coffee to keep me going. My eyes look like they are in danger of falling into the deep dark caverns below the sockets and my skin has that dull hue of the sleepless. But worst of all today, after such a crappy night, I feel as though my mind can't cope. Luckily it is a beautiful day and I get some much needed Vitamin D outside after I get Maya to the doctor for the THIRD time in a week to find out what is freaking wrong with her...
Well, if necessity is the mother of invention then my need for wakefulness has indeed prompted a full out commitment on my part to acquire a taste for coffee. (For anyone out there who needs such a regimen I will tell you my secret: hot chocolate. Just put a few teaspoons in the bottom of the mug, pour your coffee and then add a generous amount of milk.) This has worked wonders and now I am able to decrease the taste crutches so I can actually taste the coffee and like it. Sandi made some seriously weak coffee yesterday morning and I caught myself saying, "This coffee is too weak, even for me..."
But now I realize, somewhat belatedly and certainly grudgingly, that coffee can only take me so far... This is a hard fall that others have surely already experienced but please sympathize with me briefly.
Maya hasn't really slept for the past week- from coughing all night, to teething pain, to other nebulous problems that cause nocturnal upset, to fever and delirium last night- I have been averaging about 5 hours of sleep a night. Luckily (?) for me I got Bronchitis at the end of last week and got one heavenly, albeit through a haze of sickness, twelve hour uninterupted nights sleep. That is probably augmenting the coffee to keep me going. My eyes look like they are in danger of falling into the deep dark caverns below the sockets and my skin has that dull hue of the sleepless. But worst of all today, after such a crappy night, I feel as though my mind can't cope. Luckily it is a beautiful day and I get some much needed Vitamin D outside after I get Maya to the doctor for the THIRD time in a week to find out what is freaking wrong with her...
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Want to smile?
I won't pass up anything that will make me smile these days. Between my own state of affairs and this dull, gray state of weather badly in need of a Little Ms. Sunshine, I will get a laugh where I can. My friend Elaine sent this to me and I managed to finally take the 4 minutes to watch it.
It was worth a smile and several laughs out loud.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UE3CNu_rtY
C'mon. Just do it. You need to use those mouth muscles for smiling so that you don't forget how...
It was worth a smile and several laughs out loud.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UE3CNu_rtY
C'mon. Just do it. You need to use those mouth muscles for smiling so that you don't forget how...
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Dinner fun
Hey, whatever works as a vehicle to consume the sweet potato...
Ella's First Night Out
Ella and I went out on a date last night. Just the two of us. I took her to the Hampden Academy Showchoir performance which allowed her to dress up and model for someone other than Maya, AND stay up late. All afternoon she was excited, telling Sandi she had to "get ready for the concert." She wore the new dress Gramma brought her from Florida, had a pink sequined purse (filled to overflowing with various yummy smelling lip glosses), black patent leather shoes and a lovely pink coat.
Waiting patiently for Momma to come home from work
Very Proud of Her Dress. I was utterly afraid I was not worthy to attend with her, in my jeans and long sleeve shirt...
Posing Perfectly for the camera....
She blabbed on in manic chatter the entire way there and then sat completely stone-faced through the concert, uttering not a word to the friends we sat with, looking tired and forlorn. Any bystander would wonder what mother would dress her daughter to the nines, make her be out past her bedtime and drag her to a concert, she looked that miserable. Then the whole way home, the manic chatter resumed and she came through the door as if on speed, recounting every detail for Sandi with great enthusiasm.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
No joke
FYI- I ran 6 miles again today. Not an Emilie-induced running fluke. I think I am a bonafide runner now. This is no April Fool's people. Maybe I will become Forest Gump- grow my hair long and run barefoot across the country. Oh, there I go... always the immoderate one...
Catch up on the comedy
Luckily there are still funny things happening at our house. Here is an overview:
Ella was sitting on the floor rummaging through the multiple bags of hand me down shoes. Finally, she sighs in exasperation, "I don't know what to do! All the fancy shoes are Maya's size and she doesn't even care about fancy things. She likes things like," and as though it is utter despicable, "pants."
We dropped of a bag of clothes and stuff at Manna, a place Ella has become ever more familiar with since I have been cleaning out closets. Each time we go, she tries to capture a bit more information about the place. I explained that Manna helps people who need clothes and food and help finding a place to live. "But if they need food, they could just go and buy some," she offers. Wow, harder than you think to tell your four-year-old that some people don't have this capability. Insert explanation about working to earn money and paying to live- attempt to be objective and non-judgemental. "So Manna is like a restaurant except that you don't have to pay?" She asks. I'm waiting for her to inquire about why we don't eat there instead of Bugaboo Creek or Pizza Hut.
This morning Ella looked at the window, the snow receding like the hairline of a middle-aged man, and commented, "You can't tell the snow what to do. It doesn't have ears or a face or a nose. Because it doesn't have ears, it can't hear what you are saying. When Grandma talks to the weather, I think she is just kidding."
And this from my niece, Michaela as her mom was hurrying her along so she wouldn't be late for gymnastics: "Mom, don't rush a little kid."
Maya has started helping out around the house. She put 3 plastic blocks and a plastic banana in the dishwasher for me last night as well as a piece of mail in the top rack. She has begun picking up every piece of scrap paper, dirt, and minuscule object off the floor and bringing it to me. She furrows her eyebrows at me and babbles as she places said item in my hand. I want to think she is in spirit of helping, but really I think she is commenting on my housekeeping...Last night I swept just to stop the judgement.
Ella was sitting on the floor rummaging through the multiple bags of hand me down shoes. Finally, she sighs in exasperation, "I don't know what to do! All the fancy shoes are Maya's size and she doesn't even care about fancy things. She likes things like," and as though it is utter despicable, "pants."
We dropped of a bag of clothes and stuff at Manna, a place Ella has become ever more familiar with since I have been cleaning out closets. Each time we go, she tries to capture a bit more information about the place. I explained that Manna helps people who need clothes and food and help finding a place to live. "But if they need food, they could just go and buy some," she offers. Wow, harder than you think to tell your four-year-old that some people don't have this capability. Insert explanation about working to earn money and paying to live- attempt to be objective and non-judgemental. "So Manna is like a restaurant except that you don't have to pay?" She asks. I'm waiting for her to inquire about why we don't eat there instead of Bugaboo Creek or Pizza Hut.
This morning Ella looked at the window, the snow receding like the hairline of a middle-aged man, and commented, "You can't tell the snow what to do. It doesn't have ears or a face or a nose. Because it doesn't have ears, it can't hear what you are saying. When Grandma talks to the weather, I think she is just kidding."
And this from my niece, Michaela as her mom was hurrying her along so she wouldn't be late for gymnastics: "Mom, don't rush a little kid."
Maya has started helping out around the house. She put 3 plastic blocks and a plastic banana in the dishwasher for me last night as well as a piece of mail in the top rack. She has begun picking up every piece of scrap paper, dirt, and minuscule object off the floor and bringing it to me. She furrows her eyebrows at me and babbles as she places said item in my hand. I want to think she is in spirit of helping, but really I think she is commenting on my housekeeping...Last night I swept just to stop the judgement.
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