Dear Ella

My Dearest Ella,

I know that these moments when you are little, but not so little anymore, are really just a snapshot of your life rather than the permanent state they sometimes seem to be. I know that someday we will be having serious discussions about how to make responsible decisions in the face of social pressure instead of serious talks about manners and respect. There are so many things I want you to take from this time of your life and I struggle most days to make sure my actions serve my intentions. Sometimes I deserve 100 pats on the back while other moments I cringe to hear the words that fly out of my mouth and I resolve to do it better next time. The good news is that I do -that I am working with herculean effort to become an ever better and more enlightened person mostly so that I can be a better mom to you.

What I want for you to know, the essence of all my intentions for this time of your life boiled down to some specifics, is as varied as it is challenging for me to maintain day to day. I want you to feel the freedom of spirit that allows you to run with your head tilted back, mouth open releasing a screech of delight, and legs flung every which way as the pure exhilaration of life pulses through your veins. I want you to know love, so deep down in your core that it is never questioned, is mapped out in every cell in your ever growing and changing body. I want you to have a life so blessed that as you look ahead, you expect goodness and you know the fullness and wonder life has to offer you at every turn. I want you to appreciate with awe the incredible world around you, from the magic of the trees budding in the spring to the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly. I want you to climb to a mountaintop and understand that you are visitor here but that all your actions and words matter. I want you to always have the self-assurance and unshakable confidence that prompts you to where anything from pajamas to a tulle princess dress to the grocery store. I want you to have a profound respect for the spirit of living things, from the ladybug who crawls on our window to a loved one in need of a hug or a gentle word. I want you to have the stubbornness to not let anyone push you around (even me) when their agenda is against what you know to be true in your heart. I want you to love with complete abandon and to experience everything to the fullest.

I want you to know that being your mom is the best and most privileged title I have ever held, that you have reminded me of the magic of life and the blessed experience of living, that you are a beautiful spirit and a gift to this world, that I love you in unimaginable ways.

There is so much I want you to know, dearest one. The incredible part is, you already do. Sometimes I mistakenly think that I am the teacher when it has been you all along. And this is what I hope to remember as you grow into the amazing person you came here to be.

I love you with all that I am, Momma