when the math doesn't work in your favor

Sandi and I have been spending our summer playing like we have a terminal illness.

I'm not suggesting that is funny, more that it is accurate.

We planned our entire summer around the inevitable end that Sandi is starting full time graduate school in Nurse Anesthesia in the fall.  I think I have had the most fun summer of entire life (despite all the packing) and we seem to have really squeezed every last drop out.

In preparation for school Sandi had to read a book called "Study Without Stress" which is geared to help medical students and the like prepare for the grueling course loads and stay organized from the get go to prevent drop outs. 

Let me tell you this book has only caused me stress.

The book works on subtraction to undermine everything meaningful about our lives.  First, you have a total of 168 hours in a week (24 x 7).  Of that you minus 49 or so for sleep, 35 for hours spent in class, 30-35 more for studying,  21 per week for meals and maybe 7 or so for personal hygiene (luckily it doesn't take Sandi and hour to shower and she has all her meals made for her by me). 

I think I may have left out a few subtractions but it leaves you with about 2-3 hours per day and 9 hours on the weekend for everything else.  Everything else means exercise, getting you teeth cleaned, mowing your lawn, paying your bills, cleaning your house (luckily I do all those things too) and PARENTING YOUR CHILDREN.. 

This is our schedule for the next nine months. Sandi is in Portland (2 hours away) Tues, Wed, Thurs for all day classes in her 19 credit/semester program.  She will attempt the impossible by studying as much as she can during her non-class hours while she is away from home.  During the other days she will get up early and spend the day studying, taking her break after school and for supper and then resume evening studying.  All this is an attempt to free up Sundays for a day off. 

The three days gone is going to take some getting used to since she will be out of town, but that feels like the easy part.  It is taking on every other blessed thing at home so she can study all the time that will be the crunch. 

Sandi's mistress (she hates when I call it that):

The Portland UNE campus is small and quaint, mostly devoted to graduate programs, and right in Portland which means she can shop at Trader Joe's before she comes home.  I'm all about looking on the bright side.

At the library where I predict she will be spending a lot of her time:

Last week we went to Portland to help get her settled, meet the woman in whose house Sandi will rent a room (we LOVE her), and have a night away.  We had a session with our beloved Naomi who does really cool energy work called  holographic repatterning and always helps us get ourselves and our family system on the right track. 

We stayed at a beautiful hotel, ate the best meal of our lives at The Green Elephant Vegetarian Bistro (another plus: Thursday night take- out), went out for a beer, ran together the next morning and just thoroughly enjoyed time to function without clocks and demands and children.

So here we are. Sandi left this morning at 5:45 to embark on her new adventure with a heavy heart. Last night she said she felt sick to her stomach and thought I want to go back.  To work, to normal.  I don't want to go to school.  This morning she had her pillows in tow and her clothes and her toiletry bag and I tried not to think too much of the fact that we will be sleeping apart so much this year.

She said, "Have a good day."  I said, "Good luck today."  A kiss and a hug and all the words you want to say but don't need to and can't anyway because they would be too sad just sit unspoken between you.

I love you.  I'll miss you.  Are we sure this is a good idea?  How will we keep it all together?