I am one lucky girl.
Tonight, with my Beals Island family, I ate baked potatoes, Patti's garden-grown beet greens and lobster Dwight took from the ocean just this morning. This scrumptiousness was followed by the yummiest blueberry glaze pie I've ever had in my life.
Then I went for a sunset run along the ocean, the cool, foggy air kissing my arms. I was running fast, my legs flying, my lungs gulping up more and more of this rich, abundant life I live.
And now...perhaps another lobster tail and definitely another piece of that pie.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
night woes
Somehow, everything seems scarier at night.
Like the creak that makes you think, with a quick jerk of your head, "What's that?"
Perhaps it is because the world is supposed to be asleep and things aren't supposed to be creaking, uninvited, downstairs or, worse, on your staircase.
Nor are the lights supposed to be on downstairs.
We came home from our Storyland/Santa's Village trip in the evening, a little bit chewed up and spit out, and piled into bed, bags still mostly packed, just as soon as we could. I was the last one downstairs and, if asked, I would have told you I was 100% sure I had turned the lights off. I had the memory of being in the dark, the only light coming from the stairwell, as I headed up to bed.
Imagine my momentary surprise then when I got up to pee in the night and noticed light coming through the upstairs hallway floor register from downstairs. I took a deep breath to calm my overactive imagination, telling myself Sandi must have been unable to sleep and was down there.
Then why, when I got into bed, was her warm sleeping body in its usual place?
Yikes!
Now, I have to go on record to say that this is the ONLY time I miss having a man in the house (no offense to anyone.) I would happily send a man to do my bidding here and go downstairs to investigate. But, alas, it was up to me- ye, of the active imagination.
Down I went. Kitchen light on. No armed robber having a midnight snack. No electrical fires. No chipmunks raiding the cupboards. Doors locks checked, house secured, I went back upstairs to fall asleep and had this thought.
Which would I prefer? An intruder, a major electrical malfunction or the possibility that I am losing my mind?
Like the creak that makes you think, with a quick jerk of your head, "What's that?"
Perhaps it is because the world is supposed to be asleep and things aren't supposed to be creaking, uninvited, downstairs or, worse, on your staircase.
Nor are the lights supposed to be on downstairs.
We came home from our Storyland/Santa's Village trip in the evening, a little bit chewed up and spit out, and piled into bed, bags still mostly packed, just as soon as we could. I was the last one downstairs and, if asked, I would have told you I was 100% sure I had turned the lights off. I had the memory of being in the dark, the only light coming from the stairwell, as I headed up to bed.
Imagine my momentary surprise then when I got up to pee in the night and noticed light coming through the upstairs hallway floor register from downstairs. I took a deep breath to calm my overactive imagination, telling myself Sandi must have been unable to sleep and was down there.
Then why, when I got into bed, was her warm sleeping body in its usual place?
Yikes!
Now, I have to go on record to say that this is the ONLY time I miss having a man in the house (no offense to anyone.) I would happily send a man to do my bidding here and go downstairs to investigate. But, alas, it was up to me- ye, of the active imagination.
Down I went. Kitchen light on. No armed robber having a midnight snack. No electrical fires. No chipmunks raiding the cupboards. Doors locks checked, house secured, I went back upstairs to fall asleep and had this thought.
Which would I prefer? An intruder, a major electrical malfunction or the possibility that I am losing my mind?
T minus 2 weeks and counting
I know the emotional angst of sending your child to Kindergarten is a universal experience.
Yup, I appreciate that and all.
But looking at our girl, in her new-for-school pink faux suede boots with the fringe holding her well-worn security blanket (uncreatively called "yellow") thumb in her mouth, pleased as punch with her new backpack but needing the downtime of a practiced introvert each day, usually in the form of snuggling and cuddling, I am conflicted.
Of course I know that Ella is ready for school. I can see it. Her mind is eager to learn, her little girl spirit is ready for some adventure. She is all about having friends and spending time with them. She is even a great candidate for public school because she loves desks, projects, order and even rules. She and Maya fight all the time now and I can see they need some time apart.
Still.
She is our baby. The one we just brought home from the hospital a mere 5 years ago (or was it 5 minutes ago?). All day away from home? I vacillate between feeling like the McGraw school is full of lovely educators who will help us shape our precious girl's mind and feeling like they are a children-hungry institution who can't be satisfied with 1/2 a day and they need them for 6 whole hours, 5 days a week.
Also, being married to a school schedule isn't my cup of tea. Suddenly I feel like our family lives in a box- we cannot just plan things in the middle of the week as we are accustomed with Sandi's every-other-weekend work schedule. And when is she going to see Brady who lives 40 minutes away and will also be in school ALL DAY LONG? I mean, hey, what about our macaroni & cheese lunches with Maya hitting Anna and Anna telling dirty potty jokes that make the big kids laugh and Ange and I trying to drink our coffee and instead getting up 100 times during each meal. When are we supposed to do THAT?
Yet.
There will be all that time alone with Maya. We can move with Maya at her pace, instead of constantly splitting the difference in speed, style and temperament between the two girls. And Maya will be in preschool 2 days (potty training and underwear-wearing pending) so there will be some KIDLESS TIME. For me to work, to run, to write, to (don't strike me down) have a quiet cup of coffee with Sandi. Maybe even a nap. (Ok, who am I kidding?)
So I put on a brave face and I make it all sound so exciting for Ella that she is doing this great thing, that she is so big, and I tuck my heartache away that our girl's bubble of an existence where people are (almost) always nice, people act in love, and the world is a good place will likely be shattered within the first few months. There is the dreaded word: mainstream. But we can't keep her at home in the bubble forever right? We would cast her impotent to live her life. No, I tell myself, our job is to let her live- go freely- and teach her along the way. We can fight the "mainstream" by teaching her that she can be her own person, not just who her peers think she should be, that she can have her own ideas and desires. The step into public school sometimes feels so much like saying, "Here, go be taught the way that someone out there has determined is best for EVERYONE. Ignore your own personal methods and ambitions. Behave well and do what you are told. You can be creative later."
Yes, she will experience failure. Yes, she will get her feelings hurt, and eventually, her heart broken. Yes, she will be afraid sometimes. Yes, she will grow up. Yes, she will get her legs under her and run forward into the world, leaving us, sometimes, behind. And, yes, she may even get her creativity and her spirit squashed a little and it is our job to teach her to adovocate for them.
If I stop trying to prevent all these things from happening, and instead embrace her life in all its shades as I'm learning to embrace my own, then maybe, just maybe, I will be ready in 2 weeks time.
They had a teddy bear picnic today to get the kids excited about meeting kids in their class. They played on their new playground. They decorated teddy bears and could bring one for company.
This is Ella with her best bud Skyler to her right and her preschool friend Haley to her left.
Yup, I appreciate that and all.
But looking at our girl, in her new-for-school pink faux suede boots with the fringe holding her well-worn security blanket (uncreatively called "yellow") thumb in her mouth, pleased as punch with her new backpack but needing the downtime of a practiced introvert each day, usually in the form of snuggling and cuddling, I am conflicted.
Of course I know that Ella is ready for school. I can see it. Her mind is eager to learn, her little girl spirit is ready for some adventure. She is all about having friends and spending time with them. She is even a great candidate for public school because she loves desks, projects, order and even rules. She and Maya fight all the time now and I can see they need some time apart.
Still.
She is our baby. The one we just brought home from the hospital a mere 5 years ago (or was it 5 minutes ago?). All day away from home? I vacillate between feeling like the McGraw school is full of lovely educators who will help us shape our precious girl's mind and feeling like they are a children-hungry institution who can't be satisfied with 1/2 a day and they need them for 6 whole hours, 5 days a week.
Also, being married to a school schedule isn't my cup of tea. Suddenly I feel like our family lives in a box- we cannot just plan things in the middle of the week as we are accustomed with Sandi's every-other-weekend work schedule. And when is she going to see Brady who lives 40 minutes away and will also be in school ALL DAY LONG? I mean, hey, what about our macaroni & cheese lunches with Maya hitting Anna and Anna telling dirty potty jokes that make the big kids laugh and Ange and I trying to drink our coffee and instead getting up 100 times during each meal. When are we supposed to do THAT?
Yet.
There will be all that time alone with Maya. We can move with Maya at her pace, instead of constantly splitting the difference in speed, style and temperament between the two girls. And Maya will be in preschool 2 days (potty training and underwear-wearing pending) so there will be some KIDLESS TIME. For me to work, to run, to write, to (don't strike me down) have a quiet cup of coffee with Sandi. Maybe even a nap. (Ok, who am I kidding?)
So I put on a brave face and I make it all sound so exciting for Ella that she is doing this great thing, that she is so big, and I tuck my heartache away that our girl's bubble of an existence where people are (almost) always nice, people act in love, and the world is a good place will likely be shattered within the first few months. There is the dreaded word: mainstream. But we can't keep her at home in the bubble forever right? We would cast her impotent to live her life. No, I tell myself, our job is to let her live- go freely- and teach her along the way. We can fight the "mainstream" by teaching her that she can be her own person, not just who her peers think she should be, that she can have her own ideas and desires. The step into public school sometimes feels so much like saying, "Here, go be taught the way that someone out there has determined is best for EVERYONE. Ignore your own personal methods and ambitions. Behave well and do what you are told. You can be creative later."
Yes, she will experience failure. Yes, she will get her feelings hurt, and eventually, her heart broken. Yes, she will be afraid sometimes. Yes, she will grow up. Yes, she will get her legs under her and run forward into the world, leaving us, sometimes, behind. And, yes, she may even get her creativity and her spirit squashed a little and it is our job to teach her to adovocate for them.
If I stop trying to prevent all these things from happening, and instead embrace her life in all its shades as I'm learning to embrace my own, then maybe, just maybe, I will be ready in 2 weeks time.
They had a teddy bear picnic today to get the kids excited about meeting kids in their class. They played on their new playground. They decorated teddy bears and could bring one for company.
This is Ella with her best bud Skyler to her right and her preschool friend Haley to her left.
Haley told me when I picked them up that Ella cried a little for me after I left. I wanted to tear up the school registration paperwork and learn all I could about homeschooling. And the medication I would need to take to make that possible for me to carry out.
I tell Ella all the time that being brave is being afraid about something and doing it anyway. Perhaps it's time I took my own advice.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
...and the fun just never ends
We could blame it on the impending start date of Kindergarten, or our unquenchable desire to pack and unpack all our belongings, but whatever the reason this has certainly been a summer of on-the-go fun.
Last week we took the girls to New England's version of Disney.
Storyland in Glen, NH.
If you've never been, it is hard to describe just how much fun it is. Now, I can see that perhaps this is spoken as a parent, but I am unafraid to proclaim that I think Storyland is a total blast. Would it be without kids? Probably not. But to watch your kids radiate joy, squeal with delight and giggle from the depths of their little bodies? Well, it is truly the pinnacle of parenthood. It makes all the other, less glamorous moments worth it. 
First stop, hair wrapping.
And guess who wanted to be just like her big sister?
Maya's checking to see if this Donkey has good reflexes.
Ella was quite the little dare devil, preferring the log flume and roller coaster. Yet, the new found sense of daring and her love of things made for smaller kids, she was the ideal age for Storyland this year. No ride was off limits for height or desire.
We tried Maya on the little roller coaster and she got halfway through and said, "I DON'T WANT TO!" And that was that. Each bigger ride we asked her about, she gave a decisive shake of her head.
Maya took this- my favorite summer picture of Sandi so far.
This cow is super cool. When you squeeze the udders, water shoots out and the cow moos. Needless to say, it is a huge hit.
Maya was a little less enthused and needed an invitation from her sister.
Which she turned down.
Maya had one speed at Storyland. Run.
She ran, feet almost hitting bum, everywhere we went.
Until she tired, and we would either have to give her a slushy with some sugar- kidding! (not)- or carry her.
Until she crashed.
Some regrouping was necessary for Sandi with all this fun and merriment as well. She found it on the back lawn (I mean deep inside) of the condo we rented.
And when your first stop is that much fun, what is a family with little kids to do?
...and on to Santa's Village!
You can actually meet Santa and feed his reindeer. I always thought the whole Santa in the summer thing would be weird but it really wasn't. It was just enough ho, ho, ho and fake snow to make it cute but with lots of fun stuff to do.
Namely, the elphabet game. There are 26 elves throughout the park, each to a corresponding letter, and the kids stamp their card, collecting (ideally) all 26 for a prize. But I think you get the prize for any effort.
The kids went CRAZY finding these elves. It was likely one of the top 10 most exciting things to ever happen to them.
Sandi took Ella on this spinning swing ride and spent all her time photographing our girl...(I love Sandi's long legs hanging down these swings made really for little kids.)
Whereas, I hopped on every dare devil ride she wanted to go on. Each of the 5 times in a row, I might add.
And how can you resist another log flume ride? (San, thanks for waiting for an externity to snap this shot at the bottom of the flume with Maya to content.)
All in all, it was likely the most fun we've had as a family. Hopefully, Ella at least, is old enough to remember it.
We even had a kick-ass takeout meal from the Indian restaurant Ange told us about in North Conway and a little bit of quiet mommy and momma time.
Condo- $125 a night
Smiles on these 4 faces? Priceless.
Last week we took the girls to New England's version of Disney.
Storyland in Glen, NH.
If you've never been, it is hard to describe just how much fun it is. Now, I can see that perhaps this is spoken as a parent, but I am unafraid to proclaim that I think Storyland is a total blast. Would it be without kids? Probably not. But to watch your kids radiate joy, squeal with delight and giggle from the depths of their little bodies? Well, it is truly the pinnacle of parenthood. It makes all the other, less glamorous moments worth it. 
First stop, hair wrapping.
And guess who wanted to be just like her big sister?
Maya's checking to see if this Donkey has good reflexes.
Ella was quite the little dare devil, preferring the log flume and roller coaster. Yet, the new found sense of daring and her love of things made for smaller kids, she was the ideal age for Storyland this year. No ride was off limits for height or desire.
We tried Maya on the little roller coaster and she got halfway through and said, "I DON'T WANT TO!" And that was that. Each bigger ride we asked her about, she gave a decisive shake of her head.
Maya took this- my favorite summer picture of Sandi so far.
This cow is super cool. When you squeeze the udders, water shoots out and the cow moos. Needless to say, it is a huge hit.
Maya was a little less enthused and needed an invitation from her sister.
Which she turned down.
Maya had one speed at Storyland. Run.
She ran, feet almost hitting bum, everywhere we went.
Until she tired, and we would either have to give her a slushy with some sugar- kidding! (not)- or carry her.
Until she crashed.
Some regrouping was necessary for Sandi with all this fun and merriment as well. She found it on the back lawn (I mean deep inside) of the condo we rented.
And when your first stop is that much fun, what is a family with little kids to do?Umm...drive an hour to another one the next day?
A small roadside stop for those in need of emptying her stomach contents due to some ever increasing car sickness and some fresh air...
...and on to Santa's Village!
You can actually meet Santa and feed his reindeer. I always thought the whole Santa in the summer thing would be weird but it really wasn't. It was just enough ho, ho, ho and fake snow to make it cute but with lots of fun stuff to do.
Namely, the elphabet game. There are 26 elves throughout the park, each to a corresponding letter, and the kids stamp their card, collecting (ideally) all 26 for a prize. But I think you get the prize for any effort.
The kids went CRAZY finding these elves. It was likely one of the top 10 most exciting things to ever happen to them.
Sandi took Ella on this spinning swing ride and spent all her time photographing our girl...(I love Sandi's long legs hanging down these swings made really for little kids.)
Whereas, I hopped on every dare devil ride she wanted to go on. Each of the 5 times in a row, I might add.
And how can you resist another log flume ride? (San, thanks for waiting for an externity to snap this shot at the bottom of the flume with Maya to content.)
All in all, it was likely the most fun we've had as a family. Hopefully, Ella at least, is old enough to remember it.
We even had a kick-ass takeout meal from the Indian restaurant Ange told us about in North Conway and a little bit of quiet mommy and momma time.
Condo- $125 a night
Tickets- $155 for both parks
Bottomless slushies- $7
Foam pads for the rock hard bed in the condo- $30
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