thwarted

I was supposed to run the Mid-Winter Classic 10 mile race in February. 

It was postponed due to snow and high snow banks.  Then it snowed more and they cancelled the postponed date.

I was supposed to run the Eastern States 20 mile race last weekend.

You know how that turned out.

Then this weekend I was to run the Race the Runways Half-Marathon- a 13.1 mile run on the old Navel runways in Brunswick, ME. 

Then we had a massive snowstorm all day Friday which prevented my babysitter (Grandma) from coming up Friday night and sleeping over for my 5 am departure Saturday.  Sandi is working all weekend and I had planned this out ahead 6 weeks ago.  So as not to feel too sorry for myself, I went back to the gym Friday night (after having been there already that morning) and cranked out a sucky 13.1 on the treadmill.

I'm 0 for 3 races in 2011 so far.

I've mostly rolled with the punches of this turn of events, but I have to say I'm a little less cheery about it today.  The kids are after me every second this morning, Ella complaining about going to the gym with me so I can go to spin class.  I find that juggling training, consistently carving out time for hours of exercise a week is vitally necessary for me, yet requires SO much effort and often leaves me feeling selfish and bitchy when my needs are sacrificed before the alter of motherhood that I wonder if it is all worth it.  Sometimes I think, maybe I would be happier if I didn't have to maneuver my schedule to fit this all in.

But then, I am not stupid.  That is like saying, maybe I would be happier without needs. Then I could give to everyone else and I would never have to worry about saving aside enough energy for myself. It would cease this constant balance act of them vs. me. I wouldn't have to feel guilty about the time I take for myself because I simply wouldn't need any.

Yeah, who believes that?  I tried this paradigm of parenting.  It didn't work for me. In fact, I crashed and burned.

I guess that leaves me with training for marathons and running away from my house with the mantra:  I need not feel guilty.

Can anyone tell that Sandi is on a four day stretch?