bad day

I thought today would be a fine day. The sun shone bright on a crisp fall morning. Got through most of yoga this morning, even half succeeded at quieting my riotous brain. I had hopes of bulb planting and garden clearing. Charissa watched the girls for an hour so I could see a client (thanks Charissa) and we had just a few fun things to do today.

But just as the clouds descended on the late morning, so did a terrible mood on Ella and I.

We were like Tom and Jerry, fire and ice, oil and water, anchovies and chocolate (I couldn't think of anything else.)

I texted Sandi and told her, just to keep her up to date, that I had renamed our girls- Bitch and Moan. (Maya was the moan because she was just fussy, not full out manipulative, complaining, stubborn, and mean like Ella was today.)

For a quick recap - I lost my temper quite profoundly with Ella this afternoon, apologized profusely and attempted to begin the day anew, Ella peed in her pants THREE intentional times today, she looked at me and grinned a mocking grin as she refused to push the storm door open for me while I held a squirming Maya and three bags, she spit on the floor, took Maya's toys, smeared cheese all over the table, questioned my every move even as I was on the brink of insanity, and I burst into tears when Sandi called at supper time because Ella had just peed all over the kitchen chair, the upholstered kitchen chair, after I asked her 3 times if she needed to use the bathroom.

(By the way, Jeanine, today I instituted the "you want to go in your pants then you can clean it up yourself" idea. I think it will work but I think it also may have added fuel to her burning forest fire today.)

It was one of those days that you think maybe someone should come and take your children from you so that you don't have to enter them in therapy before age 18.

But they are in bed now, I have had my evening cocktail of cardio exercise (I'm doing P90X doubles- save the comments about my level of crazy) and Sandi will be home very soon.

Tomorrow we leave for our overnight/Sandi's birthday celebration which I think is the real reason behind all this behavior and emotional upset. Ella has expressed how much she doesn't want us to leave. I explained to her at bedtime that mommies work very hard and sometimes need a day off so that we aren't screechy, angry mommies like I was today. She nodded in comprehension as if to say, by all means then go with my blessing.

But all I can think of is that as she heard me cry on the phone this evening (I was carefully and discreetly in the other room) she was saying to me, "It's okay Momma, sometimes it's just hard. Sometimes it isn't fun at all."