evening it out

This morning I woke with a new attitude. I am going to enjoy my life.  I am fortunate, blessed, and have almost everything I could ever want.

I woke in my bed sandwiched with a child on either side, Sandi long gone at 4:30 am to hit the gym before work.  I thought,  focus on blessed with warm, loving little bodies rather than claustrophobia/sucking me dry. It worked.  It was going to be a good day.

Then the dog got skunked out in the 35 degree morning (and when you are only 10 pounds, you really are too spleeny to stay outside with your stinky self for too long.)  I juggled making eggs and toast for one child, cereal demands of the other and whipping up a peroxide/baking soda/dish soap concoction for the frantically scratching dog.

It can still be a good day.

When I went to unload the dishwasher I realized I had run it without soap and everything was seriously caked on.  Helpful.

There is still a chance. They are just dishes.  Deep breath in.  And out.

Then Ella started talking to me about Chinese kids who are adopted (she and my mom had some enlightened conversation at school pick up the other day.) "So there parents aren't their REAL parents, right?" she asked.  I explained that they aren't the ones that gave birth but they are very much the REAL parents, just like Sandi is to her and I am to Maya. 

Then she punched me in the gut with something like: "Well, Maya has her favorite which is Mommy and well, you..." And I honestly can't tell you if she voiced her thought but her preference for me and her very painful-for-everyone shunning at Sandi at times is something I try to ignore.  She might as well have said it aloud for she acts it out on more occasions than I would like to count. 

Great.  Our children, who are surrounded in love, encouragement, and parental sacrifice each prefer their biological mother.  Perfect.  What's next, a flying squirrel through the window?  Another sewer flood in the basement?

And yet...

A high court has ruled it unconstitutional to ban gays in the military and, while don't ask don't tell hasn't been officially revoked, openly gay people can enlist.  (And 20 year veterans who are outed hopefully will stop losing their military pensions.) 

I got to have lunch with one of my very best friends and feel sane among the insanity for an hour.

I tucked our girls into bed just now and they were content, sleepy and peaceful since grouchy momma had been replaced by deep breathing, slightly more grounded by yoga and running 5 miles today momma. 

Oh no.  I just realized.  I AM high maintenance.