some things I've learned (part 1,356)

- If you run out of milk for cereal, Nutella (the super yummy chocolate hazelnut spread) on a graham cracker does well to assuage your guilt and make your preschooler very happy-happier than Kix could ever make her.

-If you see a car swerve off the road and pull to a screeching halt, don't lay on your horn and fly the middle finger. Assume that they, like me two days ago, were trying to fish a chunk of cantaloupe out of their toddlers airway.

-If you clean up the same mess more than three times in one day, or hear yourself actually fight back with a four-year-old about the need to wear clean underwear, you should have at least one, if not two, glasses of wine once they go to bed.

-If you can't find your tea cup, look in the trash because that is the most likely place for Maya to put it. Besides that, the lesson learned would be to put lo-jack on all your belongings so you can track them by satellite once they go missing.

-If you don't have good friends, the kind that you can call 3-5 times a day if needed to commiserate or complain to, then you might as well sign up for the lobotomy now.

-If you get to eat a meal without someone raking their hands through it, consider yourself lucky.

- Never, ever, write a post about how grateful you are for your kids until they are sleeping- otherwise, you are just setting yourself up for a bad day.

-Try, as hard as possible, not to take away TV as a punishment. This only makes everyone suffer.

-Keep an emergency stash of chocolate in the freezer. This one speaks for itself.

-Do something that makes you sweat and breath hard everyday. This offsets the potential for yelling and screaming.

- We can manage rain, but parenting when the sun is out is just infinitely easier.

-There is a reason that there are supposed to be two parents. No one can be that good.

I want to know who has stolen my patience this morning and when they are planning to return it...