then and now...

We had a single friend over for brunch the other day. By single, let me highlight, one who is without children. I was struck, as I made brunch with two children hanging off me and carried Ella on my back while on all fours to the kitchen table to eat, by how much our lives have changed. It was literally like the proverbial lightning bolt of realization, remembering what it "used to be like."



Then: I used to listen to (and enjoyed singing) all sorts of music in the car.
Now: The Annie soundtrack, anything Raffi or "Puff the Magic Dragon" on a loop.



Then: On the weekends, sleeping in meant until 10 a.m.
Now: Sleeping in is anything past 7:30.



Then: I was quick to get ready if I needed to be, but enjoyed a hot shower as much as the next girl. I shaved my legs often.
Now: I get ready as though competing for an Olympic qualifying round. And you can infer from Ella's comment about the "fur" on my legs how much shaving gets done.



Then: I finished phone conversations with the usual "Hello" and "Goodbye." My friends did the same.
Now: It is commonplace to hang up the phone uttering "Sorry, gotta go NOW" or to have my friends do the same (usually punctuated with crying in the background for one of us.)



Then: I lost my cool over things like overdrawing my checking account, being wronged by someone I was paying to do work, or the basement flooding.
Now: (thankfully) all that stuff is thrown into the "too big to handle myself" pile and I (occasionally) cry over things like a spilled cup of expensive organic milk, Target not being open when I went there early to beat the crowds, changing Ella's clothes for the 500th time, or losing internet for a day.



Then: I used to enjoy a quiet cup of tea while gazing out the window.
Now: I consider a relaxing cup of tea one where no one is attached to me.



Then: Impulse buys were things like a costly bottle of wine, a new book I bought rather than borrowing from the library or a new, but unnecessary tube of lipstick.
Now: Impulse buys are in the $1 section at Target, a humidifier shaped like a pig, 5 econo packs of Goldfish and forget the extra lipstick. I've switched to all-day color to save the reapplication time.



Then: Sandi and I loved spending hours in the kitchen making up things and eating a romantic quiet dinner together.
Now: Need I even say it?

Then: When dining out, our destination was Thistle's or some quiet coastal restaurant that we saved up for to have a really nice meal.
Now: Governor's (for the train) or Bugaboo Creek (for the talking animals). We are in and out in 45-60 minutes flat. We even get the check when we order.

Then: A late night was 1 a.m. going out dancing.
Now: I could usually fall asleep around 8 p.m. and we never go out after 7.

Then: I used to call it the bathroom or the toilet.
Now: It's all about the "potty." Why do we all call it that?

Then: A trip to the grocery store was a mere chore.
Now: A trip to the grocery store can either be equal to summiting Everest (with the girls) or (by myself) a tranquil experience some might associate with a spa treatment.

Then: I had an entire list of endearments for Sandi.
Now: I catch myself calling her "Mommy." How romantic.



Because I have been listening to "Annie" a ton - utterly my fault since I introduced it to Ella- the phrase that Ms. Hannigan sings about her orphans has been stuck like gum in my mind- "drippin' with little girls." This is my life. I admit I feel like waking at 4 a.m. to have some time alone except sleep is too important.



Who am I kidding? When our (adored) single friend left with no child or baby carrier or diaper bag in tow, I thought, for a flash, lucky her. Then I turned to my girls, Maya with a huge, gummy grin and Ella ever exuberant about every aspect of life, and I smiled. Sandi and I are the luckiest moms in the world. We'll drip with our little girls any day of the week (but don't wake us -or them- while sleeping!)

Thus, here the opposites are true:

Then: Christmas was fun, but a passing wonder.
Now: HELLO! It's Christmas. Nothing is more magical with kids.

Then: Expressions of love were common and appreciated in our house.
Now: The outpouring of love, kisses, snuggles and pats on the bottom - our cups runneth over.

Then: We were so excited to have kids.
Now: We are (mostly) so thrilled to be parents.

Then: I got to hear "I love you" many times a day.
Now: When Ella says, "I love you, Momma" with no prompting- no sweeter words were ever uttered.

Then: I slept all night.
Now: (yes this is true) I get to feel my child relax into the comfort and safety of my arms when she wakes up from a bad dream or the little one needs settling. We get to be their havens, the place they go when they are sad or hurting or scared. We are the center of their world and priviledged to be so.

Then: I looked at life with the eyes of an open-minded and playful adult who was often burdened by the way life looked back.
Now: I see the potential for fun and whimsey in each moment. I notice the birds on the trees, the appreciation of the sun shining just a bit brighter than yesterday, the pride in learning a new skill- however small, and the utter ecstasy of dancing, running, leaping and laughing from deep in your belly.

Thanks to my girls, who are so fresh and unencumbered, I have realized that the point of being here, the point of my life, is to be, feel and live joy in every way possible.