overcome

I am truly and profoundly moved by the outpouring of love and support I personally, and our family as well, have received since I wrote my last post.

Let me break it down for you like this:  most of my posts are viewed by somewhere between 50-300 people depending on whether I post it on Facebook or if when I do, it grabs the interest of my friends.  The last post about question one has, to date, received 2495 views.  It has been passed and passed and passed around Facebook and people from all over the world are reading it.

For a writer with an audience of 50, this is beyond amazing.

Thank you to all who read, commented and cheered from afar.  Your interest in this issue and in my post, whether gay or straight, Mainer or non-Mainer has rearranged part of my heart so it doesn't feel so hardened against this fight. 

I wrote the piece because it was burning my insides.  I never dreamed it would resonate with so many people. After many people suggested that I submit it to our local paper, I did. 

It had to be edited down to almost half of the original piece but I like the way the edit came out.  Here is the online link if you want to read it.

Sandi and I have each had op-eds published in the Bangor Daily over the past many years and if there is one thing we know it is how hateful and cruel readers can be when posting comments from the privacy of their home computers.  Sandi said to me: "Promise me something. I want you to promise me 100% and you cannot break your promise no matter what.  But if you do, you have to tell me so I can sit with you.  Promise me you won't look at the online comments."  She knows me well. 

I haven't looked at any comments but if you want to go and leave one supporting this referendum so there is more good than bad on there I would be forever grateful.

And, one more thing, since somehow I am asking you for things in a post that was meant to say thank you, I would love to know more about the people that read this blog.  I write it because I love to, because I feel deeply compelled to, but it is a bit strange writing into an abyss.   I've met people that say they read the blog and that they feel like a stalker introducing themselves to me since I don't know them.  I don't feel like that at all.  In fact, it's kind of weird that you know so much about me and I know, frankly, nothing about you.  So if you feel so moved, go ahead and "follow" the blog and I will know you are a reader or shoot me an email (loveiswrittenhere@gmail.com) and tell me about you.  The comments I got on the previous post were so amazing and many were anonymous so I had no way to reply!

Thank you for reading.  Thank you for supporting.  I honestly couldn't go through the heart break of this election without all the love and support flowing our way.  Less than four weeks to go now...

perhaps it's time to take a shift in the closet

Sandi and I have been casually discussing potential wedding plans.  A dangerous thing to do when your right to hold such an event (one with any actual legal weight) depends on a popular vote in less than 5 weeks. 

I wish this election would just hurry up and get done.  The playful summer of parades, cheering for equality and throwing candy feels long past us.  A line has been drawn in the sand and you're either on our side or you're against us. 

I know I shouldn't be so black and white, but I can't really help it.  If you live in Maine and are over the age of 18, you are either going to support us or castigate us at the polls on November 6 when you cast your vote on question one.  For me it is as simple as that. 

Yes on one means you think our family deserves the same rights as yours.   No on one means you don't.  Bottom line.  No matter what lies the Protect Marriage people publish on their website, we do not currently have the same legal rights as married couples.

Our slightly (mostly?) conservative town has had such a startling amount of "Yes on 1" signs all over that I knew it was only a matter of time before the "No on 1" signs began to appear.  Yesterday I drove to Beals Island and Route 1 was littered with "Yes on 1" signs thanks to Aunt Suzie, Uncle Buck and Noah going out in the driving rain Sunday to put them up.  (I can't thank you enough family for all you have done and continue to do.)

Ella told me she likes to drive on one of the roads we take around our house because of all orange "Yes" signs.

Today I went out for a bike ride onto the back roads of the nearby, more rural towns and saw my first "No on 1" signs.  This is what they say:  "Don't redefine marriage.  Vote no on 1.  Marriage = one man, one woman."

Here's the thing that I can't wrap my head around.  It seems a large majority of people against gay marriage are against it because it conflicts with the teachings of their church.  They say it is "against their religion."  Today I saw this on Facebook: "Saying that gay marriage is against your religion is like saying I can't eat a cupcake because you're on a diet." 

Am I just stating the obvious when I say that if gay marriage is against your religion than you aren't obligated to get one?

Someone recently said, regarding her position against gay marriage, that she had a "difference of opinion" on the matter.  To me a difference of opinion is that I like heath bar ice cream and you like mint chip.  It means that I am a Red Sox fan and you root for the Yankees.    You like private health care and I want universal.  If it is your opinion that gay marriage is wrong, feel free to think such things, but goodness me, don't take your opinion into the voting booth.  If you think gay marriage is wrong and you aren't going to enter into a gay marriage, then really, why do you care?  If passed, this law specifically protects religious institutions from not being required to perform gay weddings if they don't want to.  Your church and your religious beliefs remain unharmed by us having rights. Honestly, Sandi and I getting married shouldn't affect you at all and we promise not to invite you to our wedding. 

Sandi has this amazing way about her where she can extend love and generosity of spirit in the face of the opposition.  Where I draw a line and stand firmly on my side, Sandi can gracefully straddle the middle in open dialogue with those that disapprove of her.  I openly admit that this is not my strong suit. I admire her greatly for it although I am slightly flummoxed by it.  It's true that I end up more angry and hurt than anything on this very sensitive issue. Right now I feel like I am a giant walking nerve, exposed for all the world to examine, poke and judge. 

I would like a little more love and compassion for those that oppose us but, honestly, right now it is hard for me to find.   I see those "No" signs and I am overcome with anger and anguish that the people inside those houses or driving those cars think they have more of a place in society than I do. And, truthfully, a little outrage seems well placed when my rights are on the line.  Do those working against my equality deserve my love and compassion?  I suppose they do if I want love, rather than hate, to prevail in the world.  If I want to remain relatively unharmed by this process, love might be the only way to go.  Perhaps if I could channel some of that love Sandi feels I would actually feel more protected and less vulnerable to the personal attacks I feel.

Have you ever had a state-wide vote on some deeply personal aspect of your life?  If you haven't, allow me to tell you how utterly painful it is.

Did you have your marriage voted on?  Or did you just grow up with this expected right?

I realize that it is not feasible to ask people to go vote yes if they staunchly disagree with gay marriage.  But would you consider abstaining?  If it doesn't affect you- if your church won't be required to participate, if you aren't being asked to enter into a gay marriage yourself- why not just leave the issue alone?  I mean, can you really, honestly want to cast a vote to keep a subsection of society marginalized?  Does voting no to my marriage rights make your marriage, your life more secure?  More sacred?

We have some wonderful neighbors who have been our neighbors for a long time. The wife is very open-minded.  The husband is a very kind man who has struggled over the years with gay rights.  The clincher is that he loves us.  They call us the "the girls" and, because we helped him through a rough patch when his mother died years ago (really just by offering basic human kindness), he is very loyal to us.  It has been a struggle for him to negotiate his feelings for us with the teachings of his church. 

You can set your clock by his trek across the street whenever gay rights are on the ballot.  He comes over looking heavy hearted saying his wife sent him over to talk to "the girls" about what is on his mind and where his conflicts lie.  We have had many a discussion over the years and across the births of our daughters who he also adores.  He changed his opinion on the non-discrimination referendum years back when he understood, after hours of heated discussion, it wasn't "special rights" but equal rights we were looking for. It broke his heart to think one of us could lose our job for being gay.  Then it was the 2009 vote to repeal gay marriage.  He was very torn on this one- he couldn't vote for it and he couldn't vote against us.  In the end, he concluded that he just wouldn't vote, a decision we applauded for the fact that he at least wasn't cancelling out one of our votes. 

This June I had a lengthy talk with him over the current vote.  I cried and told him that I loved him and he would always be our friend, but that this inequality would eventually hurt our children and that I simply couldn't discuss it with him anymore because it was too painful for me and I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship.  He called me later that night and said, "You're right.  I support you both and your girls. I am going to vote yes on 1."

As if that weren't surprising enough, they then told us a week ago that their oldest son, a devout Christian who had the anti-gay bumper stickers on his car in 2009 had also changed his position and would be voting to support us in November. This was a complete and utter shock.  He told his parents,"I believe in a loving God and God would want to include all people."  I nearly lost my teeth at this news.

You see there aren't enough gay people to cast their votes and win on this issue. Straight people far outnumber gay individuals.  We need your help. This is the historical trajectory civil rights have always taken. It must come down to the majority saying, "Hey, it isn't fair to be treating people like this."  The gay marriage laws that exist in other states are in place because they came through the courts.  If I am not mistaken, Maine's vote in November is unprecedented because it is the first time voters have the opportunity to approve same-sex marriage. 

Oh, please Maine...don't be on the wrong side of history.

So here's what it comes down to for me.  I know that I'm not going to convince everyone that we should have the right to get married.   But I am going to ask this: if you're going to vote no on question one, can you please do me a favor? Can you not put a sign in your yard? I know I'm being a hypocrite here because, of course, I have a yes sign in my yard. But, honestly, I would rather not know who is voting against us, voting against equality and inclusion and civil rights. I want to like you. I don't want to feel negatively about you from here and evermore when I drive by your house and remember that you think my family is less than yours. I don't want my children to remember your house, your face in their community as someone who voted against them and their family.  If you must vote against us, can you pretty please do it quietly?  Can you please take a shift in the closet where gay individuals have lived for eons and hide your hate from me?  Can you hide it from my kids? 

And, if you can forgive the slightly angry overtone here and not feel too defensive from my rantings, if you are at all on the fence on the issue of marriage please give it some soul searching.   Please know that this vote means so much to me and to my family.  It isn't so we can wear the dazzling white dress.  This vote means we have an equal place in this state, in this world.  It means you see us as the contributing members of society that we are and you, because you have the power, extend the rights that are meant for all. 

Our children may be the future leaders of this country.  Show them compassion and inclusion, equality and change so that they may grow into the citizens you would want to someday make the laws that will govern you.

Please, please reconsider your position. I beg you.

wedding prep

What does it take to turn this into a wedding reception hall in 6 short days?

 

Well, it takes a lot of this:

 

 

and lots and lots of love and dedication.

 

Muscles don't hurt either.

And neither does a successful salamander hunt in your Aunt and Uncle's new woods.

Here is the basic rundown of this past week: finish the house enough so that it is safe and functional for a party (Brock, Patti and Dwight), decorate (everyone), arrange flowers (Kristi), make several videos to show at the reception (Sandi), make a wedding cake (me), buy and prepare food for 200 people (Patti with a little help from Sandi and I) and run around screaming your head off and sometimes sweeping the floor (all four kids).  This list makes it sound as though, Tricia, the bride isn't involved and that, of course, is not at all the case.  She is everywhere, doing everything.  It is truly a marvel all that has happened in six short days. 

 

Oh, and also on the list:  pick out 250 pounds of lobster for the reception.

Dwight is a lobster fisherman so serving lobster meat at the reception is a wonderful extravegance that is not so hard to swing.  That is as long as you have a willing crew to extract the meat. Patti brought all 250 pounds of lobster to our house yesterday to cook and pick out to be ready to go for Saturday.

Good thing we had a lot of pickers. We picked in the sunshine:

And into the chilly afternoon.

Check out this system!  (All Patti's unending brilliance.)

 

Complete with a cooling tray.  There are so many things to love about this picture.

 

Tricia, the beautiful bride in all her downeast splendor. 

 

We are currently in year 346 of construction on our road and the nearby Main Rd.  Sandi commandeered the sign to reflect our efforts.

 

All total we ended up with exactly what we needed, 100 cups of lobster meat for approximately three hours of steady picking.

The very small (35 people) wedding is tonight at 7 followed by a massive reception tomorrow night.  Right now, while everyone is at the salon beautifying, I  have entered cake decorating mode in earnest (minus a quick break in between frosting layers to put up this post).

 

It has been a very fun family week and the cousins have been so excited to be together every day.  The outpouring of family and friends to put this event together is enough to feed on for a week. I keep focusing on my joy for Trish and Brock and the celebration of their relationship so that I don't get too sad thinking about the rights we are fighting for right now.  They are blessed, as we are, to have each other. 

ice cream + a cause = an ideal day

My friend Matt is one of the most decent human beings drawing air.  And his amazing wife Ange is no slouch and often keeps my world spinning rightly on its axis.  I love it when two amazing people join forces and create additional incredible human beings to populate the earth. 


Matt works for a car company called Darling's and  he is in charge of the adverstising department.  Someone in the company came up with this brain child: a charity ice cream truck.  The ice cream is free and donations are accepted to go to whatever cause the truck is dedicated to that day.  How cool is it to work for a company that pays you to go around town and give out free ice cream all day on a Friday?

 Sandi has a classmate, Laurie,  in anesthesia school who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.  She has two young kids and is going through the same rigors of this program while undergoing chemo.  Can you even picture this?  We asked Matt if the ice cream truck might be free to dedicate a day to Laurie and her family and he said yes!

Sandi took the the entire day off and we had the best time all over town as a mobile ice cream-giving unit.  The truck even provided us with hats.

 

This ice cream truck, and the whole experience really, is the coolest thing you ever saw.  Laurie and her family have the University health insurance, the worst possible insurance you could ever hope to not have if you have a chronic medical condition. I spent all of last year on the phone with them trying to convince them of their responsibility to cover my diabetic supplies.  They have major road blocks and pathetic caps on the amount they will spend on you in a calendar year. I am afraid for Laurie just in that regard.



If you donate $25, you get this really cool shirt.

In truth, I really got into the whole thing.

We made a stop at the University of Maine and Matt had a friend there who had a some tricked out mini bikes.  This was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.

Whenever I see people standing near the road in costume, I can't help myself.  I beep and wave.  I'm a sucker for a costume.  I was out on the sidewalk shouting, "Free ice cream!" and I got lots of waves and a couple of customers.  But then I got a man smoking a cigarette who flashed me his nipple.  I find this a strange reaction to seeing a dancing ice cream sandwich on the side of the road, but whatever.

We picked Maya up at preschool and for a while she was the only kid on the truck and she was all over that thing.  Does this picture make anyone else a little nervous?


With her makeshift megaphone she was yelling to people: "Free ice cream! For real!"  People couldn't resist this curly-headed four-year-old passing them chocolate eclairs.

After school, Ange brought her kids and we brought Ella and the twins.  We were bummed that we weren't nearly as busy as we had been in the morning but they still had fun.

I mean running an ice cream truck and dressing up as an ice cream sandwich after school on a Friday?  What could be more fun?

 

The final total raised for Laurie and her family was $1,939!!!  Matt said the most the truck had raised previously was $600 so this was really a whopping success.  It was all thanks to Matt using his connections with local businesses to get them to match what their employees donated and setting up appointments to be at those businesses at certain times throughout the day.  Thank you so much to Matt and his staff, to Darling's for making this all possible and to all the people who gave so generously!

As Matt said, "I can't think of a better way to spend the day, surrounded by friends, making people smile and helping someone in need."

So if you need a car, go buy it from Darling's okay?

wood, it heats you up twice

This time of year always reminds me of an unfaithful lover slipping out in the night.

If you weren't paying attention, you wouldn't even realize that summer had left and fall had greedily filled up the space. 

I love fall.  I truly do.  Once I can get over the sadness of losing sun-drenched days when my biggest concern (aside from not losing my mind) is where to go swimming.  I like sweatshirts, crisp air, wood fires, fresh apples, a reprieve from lawn mowing and an early discussion of Halloween costumes as much as the next girl, yet each year I look at fall and think, "Yeah, but you're not summer." 

In the great seasonal score card, falls gets brownie points from me this year just for the relief of not needing to be quite so creative about exercising.  I can now exercise while the kids are at school and I no longer have to leave the house in the dark at 4:45 A.M. only to return in the dark at 5:30.  Lots of dangers lurk in the pre-dawn and it's not cars I worry about.

Yes, in case you are wondering, I have a real fear of being sprayed by a skunk.

One of the other hallmarks of autumn is our annual wood stacking party!  We used to move all of this wood alone and then we got smart.  Have 3 cord of wood delivered. Call your friends. Then call for pizza delivery.

 

Among our circle, friendship knows no limits.  The Smith's came despite Matt's dedication to Sunday football.  And he didn't just load wood.  He helped split some for the fire pit.  It was a welcome sight to see a man doing some labor around our house for a change.  Matt makes an excellent surrogate husband for us.

 

Ella hooked Matt up with her radio so he could listen to the game in the basement while he stacked wood.  Yes, our seven-year-old let Matt borrow her boom box.

 

Sandi was thrilled to be participating in normal life.  You never saw someone so excited to stack wood.



Ange and her trusty side kick.



Billy and Ashley, wood stacking party newbies, were a huge help!



Emilie, who just finished a Half Ironman (totally amazing!), was loading wood like it was no one's business.  At one point she said, "I'm going to PR the next trip."  True story.



Kim came late, but as she said in the message she sent indicating her delay, "I am worth the wait."  Even if Kim didn't lift a single log but just sat there and laughed her infectious laugh, she would have boosted productivity.

The kids were super motivated to help out this year.  I don't know if they remembered getting paid last year or maybe they heard me say, "We will pay you," but they were going to town.

 





Kaylee



Kendall

 

Brady




Anna was on self-appointed Cinderella duty.



I don't know if the Smith's were hard up for cash or what, but even Beckett joined in the cause.



Maya was probably the hardest working kid and I got no good pictures of her.  Here you see her, dedicated and safety conscious, helping rake up the detritus with Anna and Matt.

Before we knew it, it was time for pizza and payment.


 They all gave me a hug but perhaps they had no choice since I gave them each $3.

 With just a small pile of wood left to move the following day once a new space could be made to stack it, we took our pizza and beer (smores, not Pumpkinhead for the kids)  to the campfire.  Ella had brought her doll out and was very protective of it (not an ideal toy for a party, I realized belatedly).  She asked Tia to guard it but it got stolen under Tia's momentarily distracted watch which made Tia redouble her efforts.  The gaggle of interested kids and the appraising eyes of her niece made her a tad nervous.

The next day, with Maya's assistance and unbridled enthusiasm, we made quick work of the remaining pile.

From this:

to this:

Thank you to all our friends who helped us this year!  You make even manual labor fun and festive and we love you for it.  You can warm your toes by our fire anytime. 

Actually the thought of a crackling fire sounds kind of appealing.  And applesauce bubbling on the stove.  Fleece zip ups and leaves the color of gold.  Maybe I can get into the idea of fall after all.