THE WIN

There is no way to be brief here so I won't even make an attempt.

I had been preparing for election day in the same fashion I would guess Christopher Columbus did as he sailed West toward what he assumed to be the edge of the world.   I couldn't really picture the world after the polls closed and we awaited the outcome.  I couldn't picture winning and I couldn't envision losing. Clients were calling to schedule massage later in the week and I felt like responding with, "But wait that is after the election. I can't possibly do massage. Who knows what the world will look like Thursday." 

That life would go on after the vote seemed inevitable, just not really imaginable.

Election day dawned bright and cold.  A very reluctant Sandi went to the hospital, her heart wanting to be home with our family.  My friend Ashley came in with big hugs when she dropped her girls off for me to take to school.  They had each made me a picture to cheer me up. 

Before school we headed to the polls where all 5 of us attempted to crowd into a polling booth.  I showed them the ballot and did some teaching about how to vote.  I showed them question 1.  (They thought is was totally unfair that they couldn't vote and really, perhaps the world would be a friendlier place if citizens under 10 had more of a say.) I had split them up into 2 teams before we went in (one twin with each of my girls) so that each team could put a ballot in the sucker machine. 

As we approached a voting official who appeared to be about 95-years-old she grouched, "They can't do that.  You have to do that.  We can't take any chances."

My kids have slid the ballot into the sucker machine each and every year.  I take a lot of pride in teaching my kids to vote.  For them, the sucker machine is the main attraction of the whole practice.

Then another woman with a kind smile whispered to me, "It's okay Suzanne.  The kids can do it.  And by the way, thanks for Saturday."  Wink, wink.

Flash mob Saturday?

I did not know this woman.  I said to her, "Where you there?" 

She replied, "I danced and it was amazing.  Thank you so much."

So far, election day was off to a good start.

After dropping the big girls, Maya and I headed to YES on 1 to meet Ange, Anna and Beckett to do some canvassing.  We were assigned to Hampden (where we live) so we got some coffee, started doling out the snacks and hit the streets. 


How could you say no to these two?

We spent a few hours knocking on 26 doors and asking people to go vote.  The idea is to target our supporters to get them to polls.  I had a conversation with one woman who said her only motivation for voting was to vote yes on 1 but that she was busy and didn't know if she would be able to get there.  After telling her how important the issue was to me personally and why her vote counted, I convinced her to go.  Which is the whole point of canvassing.

I spent the afternoon trying to keep myself calm while drinking lots of coffee.  Messages of love and support were pouring in from people.  One of my favorites was from my new friend Heather who I have to come to love and adore through this campaign.  She wrote to me, "I knew we would be friends when I saw you come to school pick-up dressed like ice cream sandwich." 

We had given a lot of thought to where to spend election night. In the end we knew we wanted to be with family, with our kids and with the people we had campaigned with all summer- the people of Washington County.  When Sandi got home from work, we headed downeast to the election watch party Aunt Suzie had organized.  Not only would the place have a projection screen of the results but there was also a DJ and a dance floor.   I was sold.  We got there around 7 and I spent the next many  hours drinking wine and dancing.  It was a perfect cure for my restlessness.

My friend Melissa made this amazing cake for the party:
(photos of the party by Danielle Nelson, Wendy Dyer and me)

Aunt Suzie, Uncle Buck and Noah had decorated the place with all the parade signs and rainbow banners.  It was a celebration of color and joy and a reminder of what we had worked so hard for.  (And they, for the record, have done nothing except work hard for this cause.)

Noah commandearing the microphone to tell jokes.

Our friend Katie's grandparents, who appeared in an incredibly touching ad , were there to celebrate.

 And back by popular demand, not once but three times, the flash mob dance.  Even people who had never done it got on the floor to participate.



There was even a rainbow pinata.

Silly family pic

 

The girls went home to Beals with Sandi's parents around 10 and we stayed to watch the results.  I felt my anxiety level rise as the first precints reported in.  By 11:15, with California polls closed for a mere 15 minutes, they had projected Obama as the winner and we still didn't hear about question one.  (As Trish noted, "I'm Sexy and I Know It" was the song playing when Obama was reelected along with our hopes of federal marriage rights.)

 

With 40% of precints reporting, the YES vote was at about 53%. 

 

In 2009 we had an early lead which steadily declined until we lost.  I was not cheered by the lead this time and just wanted to dance and be unaware until it was over.  But mere minutes later, Mainer's United called the vote and said we had won.  Apparently once Portland reported in with even stronger numbers than expected, they knew they couldn't lose.   But we didn't fully understand this, or maybe it was the wine clouding my comprehension, but when people kept shouting, "WE WON!""  I kept thinking,  it's not real.

 

 We danced, we laughed, we hugged, we danced some more and hugged some more, then we cleaned up.  All the while I thought, they are going to call and say there has been some mistake. 



Brad and Norm when they heard we won

 I didn't cry.  I found it hard to rejoice or relax.  Sandi, Trish and I drove back to Beals at 1 A.M and I was still stunned.  We spent most of the next day with Sandi's family, processing the outcome and just enjoying being together.  And yet I remained shell shocked. 

After two entire days since the result and a lot of talking, I have finally figured out what is going on with me.  I am happy.  Of course I am.  But it is a bittersweet victory.  As Trish said when she wrote about this vote weeks ago, it isn't as though all the emotions that are stirred up just disappear when the results are announced. 

Not to be negative, but it is true that 47% of this state didn't want us to have equal rights.  A portion of that 47% actually thinks that who we are is fundamentally wrong.  They think our kids are being harmed growing up with us as their parents.  Another portion of that 47% might like us as neighbors, co-workers or even friends, yet they also think we would compromise the insitution of marriage and make it less sacred or special.  We live among this 47%.  They are the people whose yards held the signs that spoke out against us.  They are the people giving us the cold shoulder at school.  They are those that we must continue to work alongside and try to forgive.

In 2009 Washington County had only 35% of the pro same-sex marriage vote.  Aunt Suzie and Uncle Buck wanted to make that number different.  This time around Washington County had a 40.9% Yes vote.  That is significant and gratifying. Yet, when we were heading home yesterday and I stopped for gas, I couldn't help but look at the people around me and think: most of you here think I am less than you.

Now this isn't my usual take on things and it is bothering me a bit that I feel this way, yet it also makes perfect sense.  Hundreds of thousands of dollars, countless volunteer hours, devoted phone bankers and canvassers all went into making something happen that shouldn't have had to have happen in the first place.

It's awesome that we won our civil rights.  And so sucky that we had to fight for them in the first place.  Both Sandi and I find ourselves kind of heart broken that we live in a country where equality isn't a given but neccessitates a fight.

In looking at the election results, I was very interested to do some calculations to find out approximately how many people abstained.  In Maine, 706,300 people voted.  Yet there were only 702,345 votes cast on question one.  That means that roughly 3,955 people abstained from voting on question one.  I think this is a major victory.  Also, 36,293 more people voted YES on 1 than NO.  That number does cheer me.

Looking back over the campaign, I'm so proud of all that our friends and family did to support us and take this on as their own. I've been so impressed by the strong voices of straight people who have stood up for this cause. 

I take great joy and pride in the pictures of our summer. Without these people, we couldn't have done what we did.  (My sister and her family are not pictured here because they couldn't make it to any of the parades but their unwavering support has been steadfast and necessary.)



Family



Katie and Alex




Beth Allen, campaign leader extraordinaire with her partner Val and their daughter, Oakley. This family's sacrafices on behalf of making this happen is astrounding to me. I have such great admiration and appreciation for all they gave up for the rest of us.

 












Kelly, Kane and Tracy.  My new loves of the summer.



Beautiful

 



Ange, Brady and Anna



LOVE.



Robbi and Chris (you two ROCK)



Trish




my mom (who argued with a Canadian over the details of their national health insurance plan, but that's a story for another time.)

 

 

While I suppose it is remotely possible that Maine could have passed question one without the help of these three, there is no doubt in my mind that it was because of them that so many of the lost and broken hearted gay people of rural Maine were able to survive the campaign.  Their unending enthusiasm, passion, presence, kindness, class, vision, inclusion and LOVE fueled us and gave us the energy to finish strong.  As they said many times, "It isn't just that you win, but how you win."  They did it right and much can be learned from their example.  I am beyond proud to call them my family.

 

But in the end, it always comes back to these two.  They make the fight worth it.  They live and breath love because they know no other way.

 

And us two, naturally.



We won.  I guess it's true. No one has called to say it is any different.

I do feel like I am nursing a broken heart in a way. I have a lot of forgiving to do to those I know who voted against us. I have to figure out a way to let winning be enough and move forward with love. 

My Facebook page and email box were inundated the day after the vote.  One woman, a sister of a friend wrote this amazing thing to me:

"I want thank you for your hard work on the campaign. Your passion truly was contagious and inspiring (even just watching via blogs and facebook). Remember reading in school about the key grassroots players in each of the civil rights movements? I truly believe that your work should make the history books!Congrats and happy wedding planning!"

No, we have no wedding plans.  We had braced ourselves to lose and never made any actual plans.  Plus there's the small bit about having no real income for another year that puts a damper on the party plans.  But you all know us now and you know that it was never about having a wedding.  We fought for equality, for rights, for the freedom to be in this state.  We fought for the community where our kids are growing up to be one of inclusion. 

I am proud of Maine.  I have felt lost here since 2009, like a balloon whose string has slipped out of a child's fist.  But now I feel like I have come home.   Thank you Maine.  If you voted YES or you supported from afar, thank you. 

I still haven't had a good, post-election cry but it will probably happen in a day or two when the dishwasher door gets jammed or the coffee burns in the pot.

Thank you Sandi for standing by my side and always reminding me why it was worth it.  I love you just as much today as I did on Monday when we didn't have the right to marry.  Because marriage has never, and will never, define us. 

It has always been, and always will be, about love.  That is who we are.

bringing it home

On the eve of the election, I have come to really understand something.

We human beings, because we are actually spiritual beings, cannot live in a stagnant environment.  We need strife and discomfort in order to grow and evolve.  While we may not be proud to admit this, most of the time if life is cushy we just go along with it, floating down the river with not a whole lot of intention.

But give us conflict, injustice or threat and we will turn ourselves inside out to stand by what we believe in or to find peace in unrest.

Or maybe that's just me.

I have come to believe that this election is a good thing.  Painful, soul-bending and profoundly wrenching, but ultimately for the good.  I hear story after story of people whose hearts and minds have changed.  I have gay friends who are standing up for themselves for the first time and letting their voices be heard.  We are hurting, but we are growing.  We are expanding. 

And we are better for it. 

I got this email last night from a friend:

"I just got home from the phone bank, and had a message from my husband's cousin's wife. She has NEVER called me. I returned her call, and this is what she told me. She is a YES on One supporter, but also a devout Catholic. At the end of Mass last evening, the priest read a letter from the bishop, telling the Catholics that their duty is to vote NO on one. Anyone who votes for Question One is not a good Catholic. This woman was very upset and torn. Then, when she went on Facebook today, I had shared the awesome video of the Flash Mob Dance. She saw me in the dance, and read what I wrote about it. She took it as a gift from God, and it strengthened her conviction that it is RIGHT to vote Yes on one, and that it doesn't make her a bad Catholic! She said that the shared video gave her strength and peace!"

How cool is that?

I have another dear friend who has been grappling with her family relationships since she came out.  She is a very quiet and tender-hearted person who hasn't ever confronted the homophobia in a family that alienates her.  During this campaign she has found her voice.  She recently wrote a message to her family and summarized it for me.

If you still aren't sure if equality matters, read this:

"They may have already disowned me long ago, but I have asked for each one of them to respond to my message and tell me as adults what they really think of me, and what they want in the future for relationships with me. I explained that I had to know these things so that I could start the process of healing, and making myself whole again. And that knowing where I stood in my family, the family I was born into was a big part of my healing process.

I told them that if for some reason they did not see my message until after the vote on Tuesday, their response to me was still just as important.  I told them I was trying hard to go about this in as respectful of a way as possible, and that I hoped they did the same. And that after 31 years of feeling like I did not belong, thus never sharing anything with them, I hoped they could take me reaching out to them and see how difficult and important it really was. I also encouraged them to tell me if they would like to sit down and talk in the future, so that we could discuss the past 31 years.... if that is something they wanted to have. That it was in their hands."

I am very sad to report that my friend's family didn't respond with the love and kindness that I'm sure all of you felt when you just read that.  They were dismissive, rude, accusing and even mean.  Some said they wouldn't respond to her and didn't want to be made to feel bad because of it.  Others said that who she is and how she feels is wrong. 

And while my heart breaks for this dear woman who put her heart on the line like this, her bravery and risk is my favorite thing so far about this campaign.  For her to speak up, especially to her family, to make people take notice of the quiet person they are placing in an unequal status is such a monumental move for her.  I can only think that this type of courage and opening will be rewarded ten fold inside my friend's heart. 

I am convinced that the more you open, the more you risk being honestly you in the world, the deeper your capacity to love.  It is better to feel pain openly than be protected and feel very little. 

Tonight after the girls had gone to bed, Sandi and I were working in our office on our computers.  There was a loud knock on our back door that jumped me in the silent house.  I went out and flipped on the outside light to see no one there. My heart began to hammer in my chest.  I craned my head around and saw the back of a woman's head. I spoke to Sandi and, alarmed, she went to the front windows to see who it was, saying, "Don't open that door."

Have any of you ever had this fear-laden experience when UPS drops a package in the evening? 

Last week a right-wing pastor from a church downeast had an op-ed in the Downeast Coastal Press (the same newspaper Sandi's article "Yes, I'm angry" was in).  I have been urged not to read it but quotes from it are floating around and it sounds archaic and hate-filled.  Allegedly, at some point he talks about how same-sex parents are the "real" parents of their children since they need a donor to procreate and he names us by name and speaks in reference to our children.

It is not a far reach to be totally freaked when someone knocks and leaves your doorstep before you turn the light on the night before a major state-wide election.

This is 2012.  Gay people should be free to be out and not fear for their safety.  Nothing less than marriage equality will insure that society's movement is toward acceptance and recognition of all people as equal.  You can't force people to be fair-minded, but you can make it socially unacceptable.

Today was a first for our family:  Maya and I were both on the news today!! Maya was on the news for the voting they did in her preschool (SO CUTE)  and I was on as a recap from the flash mob.   If you watch, you can't miss Maya as the curly-haired blondie with a pink fleece on.  I was so proud of our little voter casting her ballot for her favorite Teddy Graham. 

With their iron wills and their scrapy know-how, our girls are activists in the making.  I am so proud to show them this.

I also wanted to share with you my awesome friend Jess's Facebook post this morning:

"Top 10 reasons I can't wait to vote YES on 1 tomorrow!!!

10. My young daughters will know that I will love and support them and will never turn my back on them regardless of the person they were born to spend their lives with.

9. The God I believe in doesn’t want me to judge others or let prejudices rule my life.

8. Some of my closest friends in the LGBT community are discriminated against every day and it hurts my heart to see this. I will not treat people different than myself as lesser individuals. This is a civil rights issue.

7. My LGBT friends are better Mothers than I could ever strive to be. They are parents by choice, not chance. The process is not easy for them which is probably why they are the most loving, committed parents.

6. Because using “don’t redefine marriage” as a reasoning strategy is as weak and meaningless as telling my kids “because I said so”

5. I have listened to the ambiguous arguments of the opposition as they recite their interpretations of the Bible and none of them reference the God that loves all people and doesn’t judge others.

4. Because civil unions are a complete joke and don’t come close to providing the same rights as marriage does. Any person who states otherwise hasn’t looked into it.

3. I want to show my children that I am part of a generation that loves all people, even those different in some ways than my husband and myself. Neither one of us is a bigot (a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices; especially: one who regards or treats the members of a group with hatred and intolerance)

2. The LGBT families will not defile or corrupt the purity and perfection of marriage. Straight people have been doing that for decades without any one taking away their rights to do so.

1. I don’t feel threatened that LGBT weddings are going to be the best events EVER, making my own wedding look lame. It’s OK, I can support that as long as I’m invited ;)

I’m not trying to create drama or argument. This issue is one that means a great deal to me, my family, and friends. My beliefs are my own and I respect your opinion as well. As my friend, please don’t go to the polls and check a box without careful consideration. Marriage matters to all families!"

 

I have another super cool friend who spent most of today writing individual messages to people urging them to use their influence and powerful voice to speak out about question 1.   

 

I have the greatest friends.



my jack-o-lantern

We are spending election night with family and friends who we have marched alongside for the past many months.  I plan to have a glass of wine in my hand all night as we watch the polls roll in.   I will keep you posted.


There have been some significant personal achievements for me throughout this campaign.  I have not been hateful.   I've been angry and assertive, but never hateful.  I've taken emotional risks and made myself vulnerable to people to really let them know what is at stake for us in this vote.  When I was down and beaten a few weeks ago, I (with the help of those who love me) dug myself out a hole and found a way to bring love.  I have given my time, my money and my cooking skills to the campaign.  I have let in the immense love and support people have extended to me and to our family.

But the thing I am the most proud of is that as I sit in my house tonight with my family sleeping peacefully upstairs and a light snow falling outside (an omen?)  I feel somewhat content.  I have pulled myself back in to my own heart, into my precious family, where we cannot lose because we have each other.  Rights would be nice, but nothing can replace love.

I really, really needed to come to this place before people head to the polls.   Yes, they will be voting on my civil right to have a marriage license.  But they will never get to vote on my right to love.  Because my love is as big as the oceans and no referendum can confine it. 




Our front door.

making my flash mob dance dreams come true

I can't really describe to you the events of yesterday at noon in downtown Bangor. 

The 24 hours prior to that dance start time was spent teaching people in various waves, the steps to the dance. Turns out it was pretty difficult to learn the dance from the video. Our house was full of people, kids running all over, and music blaring in the living room (a.k.a. the dance studio) along with the sounds of "5,6,7,8!" Aunt Suzie, Uncle Buck and Noah spent the night and we stayed up making signs, practicing dance steps and visiting over a muchly needed bottle of wine.

The morning was spent with our house functioning as a revolving rehearsal studio. Finally I looked at the clock and realized I had to get my sweaty self downtown in 25 minutes.  When we pulled up to the meeting spot I could have cried with joy to see all the people waiting! 

I stood on top of the speaker and attempted to organize the troops.  I would be lying if I said it wasn't incredibly fun for me.

We headed to our dance spot.  Melissa and Katie were across the street at Paddy Murphy's and my friend Vanessa (with her daughter Brooke) stood in the middle of the square and pretended to talk about school.  Then the music began, Melissa and Katie ran across the street and the dance was underway.

My face hurt from smiling.  The feeling in the air was intense, exciting, exuberant.  We were screaming and hooting and the buzz was palpable.  I kept looking at my friend Katie wearing a YES on 1 sign on her torso and she looked like she was going to jump right out of her skin.  It made me even more excited. 

We were doing a flash mob dance in downtown Bangor.  First one ever.  And it was for YES on 1. 

I looked behind me at all the dancers and I couldn't believe they were getting it.  They were really dancing!!!  There were a bunch of people who only learned off the video and I was nervous that it would be controlled mayhem.  The people on the sides holding signs and cheering were as many as the dancers and their enthusiasm was contagious.  It was everything I hoped for and way, way more. 

And when it was over I wanted to yell, "AGAIN!!"

Then I was interviewed by the news and I think I pretty much bombed that part.  I wish that I had just kept reiterating that the reason for the dance was to bring back the love and positivity to the campaign as a way to comfort the people who were suffering as a result of it.  But I had to go say something about how if you don't believe in same-sex marriage then don't get one and, of course, that was what was on the news.  I lay awake last night hoping I hadn't done more harm than good on that front. 

My favorite question:  "Why a flash mob?"  Ummm...why NOT?

You can see the news clips on  WABI and  Fox/Channel 7. 

Here are some more awesome pics of the day.



Katie, of the jumping up and down, and her fierce dancing partner Alex.



Noah, being interviewed by Tim Throckmorton, and thus making his entire day.



That is Uncle Buck holding the amazing sign he made and Aunt Suzie with her arm up.  They are my heroes.



 My family came, our beloved babysitter came,  a couple drove 4 hours up and 4 hours home to dance.  We had moms with babies and toddlers strapped to their bodies, sighted and blind people, little kids and mature adults, dancers and non-dancers, gay, straight and in-between. We were the full spectrum of the rainbow, everyone included.  Because honestly isn't life a whole lot richer that way?

And here it is. You can see for yourself thanks to our incredible (and smart) friends Matt and Ange and their son Brady who did some camera work.  Thanks to them and to Melissa, our fearless choreographer.  I couldn't have done it without you.  (And thank you to Sandi for getting that I have to do things like this and having an inordinate amount of patience with me while I do them.)

Thank you to everyone who gave of themselves to make this what it was. I did it for me but I did it for you too.  I hope you took some of what was there yesterday and can hold it in your heart until this election is over. 

As for me, I am heading to the YES on 1 headquarters today because dancing is great, but there is still a ton of work to do in the next three days.  We are ahead in the polls but without our supporters going to vote, we will lose like we did last time.  Any chance you can put in a couple of hours of work in the next three days?  If so go to the office in the Twin City Plaza in Brewer, call Damon at 899-6489 to sign up for a shift, drop food off (homemade or store bought) for the countless volunteers, donate money to get ads on TV to counteract the lies the NO campaign is telling or talk to 5 people about their vote and let them know what is at stake for everyone when inequality exists.

Or maybe, if you're a super star, do all of these things.  Let's not leave this to chance.  THREE MORE DAYS.

Maya turns 5. True or false? Saldy, true.

Maya just turned five.  I know this is entirely unbelievable since we just brought her home from the hospital last week.

Lucky for our kids, Sandi had amazing birthdays as a kid.  They were always really magical and memorable and, as a result, we work hard to make the girls' birthdays really special.  Balloons are a must and, because helium doesn't last long inside latex, a 3 A.M. wake up is essential if you want your child to wake up to balloons decorating the kitchen.  I look at Sandi each year and say, "Is it really necessary?" to which she gives me the stern "It's very necessary" look and I get up with her to fumble my still asleep fingers into curling ribbon.  Thankfully, she does allow us to go back to sleep. And every year, I'm always so glad she advocates for the wonder and the magic.

(I did not grow up on a diet of amazing birthday and likely that is why I celebrate my birthday now like it is a national holiday.)

Maya is a very easy child to please.  She doesn't ask for much in the way of material things and is psyched just to find a cool leaf on the ground.  In some ways, this makes it hard to shop for her.  I suppose we could just scavenge in the yard but you can't really give a child detritus from a tree for her birthday.

Sandi came up with the idea to give her Ella's Leapfrog Tag reader (with Ella's blessing of course) and buy her a bunch of new books. 

She was thrilled and has played with it every spare second since.

Ella (we) bought her this fairy she has been eyeing up in the checkout at Target for about 3 years.  She was over the moon.

We also got her...wait for it....a little electronic drum set.  Yes, we should have just gotten her a megaphone, but she had really wanted to be Marina from the Fresh Beat Band.  We bought ourselves ear plugs.

Then out to Dysart's for breakfast!

And a waffle candle!!

Maya isn't big into cake.  She requested rice krispy treats.  How can you go wrong here?

When Maya was a baby she was, well, challenging.  She fussed a lot and didn't like to stay still and taking her anywhere felt like walking next to a ticking bomb.  But as she has aged, she has become the silly, affectionate, incredibly generous, easy going, hilarious and adorable child that we know and love.  She still gets mad if you tell her no and she still stomps her feet and tells you "I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE!" if you get in her way.  But she always comes back for snuggles and hugs and to tell you:  "I love you so, so, so, so, so, so, so much. You're my best friend.  You're the best Momma/Mommy in the whole wide world."

There is no curly-headed, blue-eyed firecracker like her.  She is our Maya. Happy birthday, baby girl.

Happy Birthday to two of my favorite people

Sandi and Ange's birthday fall within 2 weeks of each other and so we usually celebrate them together.  This year we were a little late since Trish and Brock's wedding was on Ange's birthday and we were away for Sandi's.  We had spent a wonderful weekend in Portland, just the four of us, swimming in our hotel pool, eating from our favorite vegetarian restaurant and making repeat trips to one very cool park. 

Yet, the delay in celebrating was softened by the offering of chocolate chip cheesecake. (Both Sandi and Ange have a serious soft spot for cheesecake.)

The kids have gone from little and fitting in on our house to big and busting at the seams.  We literally had to send their wild selves outside a few times.  We need a downstairs play room but with the vermin we are trying to eradicate with D-con down there and all the power tools,  I think we will have to wait until our next house. 

In the meantime, the fun of the moment is all about carrying each other around.

Beckett looked on with a mixture of admiration and horror.

Before we knew it we were treated to a full fledged acrobatic show complete with a human pyramid and blaring German parade music of all things.  One never does know what one will experience sitting on our couch. 

The pyramid met its inevitable decline.

Good friends, grape salsa cups, homemade Indian food, good wine (and beer), lots of laughs and enough cheesecake to go around is a great way to celebrate a birthday.  If you're so lucky to get a human pyramid, you ought to call yourself blessed.

anyone want to dance?



So this flash mob idea that I had while running last week?  It is totally going to happen.

We had a rehearsal Sunday morning.  I met my friend Melissa (our gracious choreographer) 30 minutes before everyone showed up and she taught me the dance.  Not too hard.

Soon cars pulled in the lot and at first I thought they were just people coming to use the track but they were dancers!  Then more and more people came and before we knew it we had a group of about 35 dancers ranging from experienced to nervous but willing. 

 

It was time to dance.

 

 

My friend Matt video taped the whole thing so he could make this video so those who couldn't make it to the rehearsal could learn the dance. (Matt is such a technological rockstar, I can't even tell you.  Except to say that he even reversed the video so that people learning at home wouldn't have to try to learn the dance having to go in the opposite direction. The flipped version means they can follow us step by step in the same direction.)  Matt even had the equipment to mic Melissa so she can be heard giving instruction on the video.

Brady also was on gadget duty.  Thank you B.

 

The rest of the kids thoroughly enjoyed enjoyed the rehearsal.

Within the hour, everyone (pretty much) knew the dance.  I was so proud of this group- especially the non-dancers who came out to take part in this really positive experience.  It is kind of like a way to take back what has been stolen in this election.  We are reclaiming our positivity, our joy, our love. 

And we shall dance.

Anyone is welcome to join the mob!!  Please visit the Facebook event!  We have one final rehearsal Friday at 4 pm at the OLD Home Depot parking lot next to Target in Bangor.  The dance is at noon on Saturday in West Market Square in Bangor, with an 11:30 pre-dance logistical meeting in Pickering Square.  Feel free to come support and cheer if you don't want to dance!  We need sign holders and happy Yes on 1 people!

 

And for those of you who don't live here...await the video!

Ever wanted to be in flashmob dance?

Two days ago while I was running I got an idea for how to replace the anger, heartbreak, fear and anguish of the campaign with love and joy. 

Dance.  Public dance to be specific. 

I imagine by now everyone knows what a flashmob, but in case you don't check out one of the original flashmobs in the Antwerp train station in Belgium. 

That is right.  I am organizing a YES on 1 flashmob dance for little Bangor, Maine. 

I sort of jokingly put this idea out there in a Facebook post and I got a lot of interest.  This got me to thinking....maybe we could pull this off.

My friend Melissa is going to do the choreography and we are going to get a group together to practice this weekend.   We have a rehearsal planned for this Sunday at 11 am (if you're local and want to come it is at the Hampden Academy track- email me if you need info loveiswrittenhere@gmail.com) with the actual flashmob planned for Saturday November 3rd at noon in downtown Bangor.   If you want to dance in the actual flashmob but can't get to the rehearsal, we are going to videotape it and put it on youtube so you can learn at home!

I mean, why not?

It isn't as though I think a group of people wearing rainbow colors and dancing as a group in public is going to change the minds voters (though it would be cool if it did...), but honestly the group of folks that are working so hard and putting their hearts on the line in this election need a boost. 

It isn't just the gay people of Maine who are hurting from this vote.  There are so many straight allies who are also deeply affected by the state of affairs.  My  friend Raina wrote this to me the other day:

"We want to have our children grow up in a world that doesn't discriminate against it's own people.
I know that it may seem that I don't stand to lose anything with this upcoming election. But this is wrong. I stand to lose a lot if marriage equality is not voted into law. My heart will be broken. Like you, I spend many days with a heavy heart and I cry when I pass "no on 1" signs. My faith in humanity is crumbling each time I see a sign that promotes hate and discrimination. I have tried to imagine the possibility of this vote failing and I feel hopeless, I consider that I may need to seek therapy from a professional. Truly. I don't know what words to put here that will make you feel how passionately I support this bill. But know this, if it doesn't pass, I will (and already do) have a deep regret for not doing more and I will commit many many hours, days, weeks, whatever it takes to make sure that all families are treated equally and fairly, and that all adults have the right to marry their soul mate."

I am deeply touched when heterosexual people take on this fight as their own.  Because, honestly it is.  No one is free while others are oppressed.  I think MLK said that and wasn't he correct.

So I'm doing my nightly volunteer shift making phone calls for YES on 1 but now I'm going to add a little pep to our election countdown.  Let's finish this out with love and positivity and, perhaps, even a little bit of fun.  We only have 12 days to go...

Want to dance?

Marching On

A reminder of what we are fighting for and who we are fighting for.  This is the video Sandi made early last summer to play on the pridemobile for all the parades for marriage equality   that we did all over Washington County.

It is time for it to inspire once again.

Thank you to all the famlies and individuals who contributed to make this a feast for the eyes of love and joy.  Our love is no threat to you.

time to pay attention

In case you haven't already seen this all over Facebook (it has somehow been shared almost 400 times), I wanted to share with you something Sandi wrote about the election.  She doesn't get angry very often but when she does, it is worth paying attention to. 

She called it "Yes...I'm angry" and I'm so very proud of her for writing it.  It will appear in the Downeast Coastal Press, one of the newspapers in the rural Washington County where she was born and where much of the war over question one is based.  Aunt Suzie, Uncle Buck and Noah have been putting signs up all over the county and they are being torn down, vandalized and stolen at every turn.  In less than a week over 100 signs went missing. I assume people are feeling desperate and cornered with the shakedown of this vote and the people coming out of the woodwork in support of gay rights in this rural, conservative and very religious part of the state.

In Sandi's words:

"I have taken enough abuse during this campaign season. And I’m done taking it. I’ve had it up to my ears with Question 1.

I went to bed last night with a heavy heart – heavy with sadness, but less comfortably, heavy with anger. Anger doesn’t come easily to me and when it does, I’m not one to let it reside for very long.    Anger serves to feed no one, but sometimes it has a place and a purpose. Sometimes it fuels a fire and used correctly, can be a nice little nudge to do or say something worthwhile.

So as I went to sleep last night, I said a little prayer that my anger would either be softened to something beneficial to me or that it would serve the purpose of nudging me to say something. By 3:30, when Maya made her way into our bedroom with her “chest full of cold” cough, my anger had dissipated into resolve and certainty that I should do what I don’t ever do – speak from my anger.

Suzanne and I sit in the evenings with our tea or hot cocoa and listen to each other’s day. It has always been our practice, but we are especially faithful to it now, as we see each other so little during everyday tasks - with me in grad-school and her managing our life. Lately, we have each, individually, had many conversations with family, friends, neighbors and acquaintances regarding the issue of question 1 this November. Naturally, these conversations make their way into our evening chats. For the most part, we do a good job of staying strong, not letting it hit us too hard when we hear, “but I just believe that marriage is too sacred to redefine. Don’t take it personally. I love you. I respect you and your family. I just think marriage is between a man and a woman.” Let me translate what you just said… “You are different than me. I deserve these rights, and you don’t.” It is discrimination. Ugly and hateful discrimination. Furthermore, when you say “I want you to have these rights, I just don’t think it should be called ‘marriage,’” what you are saying is this – you are unequal to me and therefore should not have what I have. “Separate, but equal…” Ring a bell?? Discrimination. At least have the decency to call it what it is.

Well, I’ve heard it enough. I’m tired of the lame excuses. I’m tired of the “I just believe marriage is too ‘sacred’ and shouldn’t be redefined.” Like the GLBT community is going to muck it up with extramarital affairs, quick-to-divorce attitudes, and less than respectful relationships. Wait…. you straight people f…ed that up already. You did that all on your own. So don’t tell me about the ‘sacred’ institution of marriage. What’s sacred is what you create. The sacred in marriage is not bestowed upon you by an outside institution.

In the spectrum of life and living, there are two end points of how you choose to live - your vibration, if you will – on one end is love, and on the other is hate. In my opinion, love is what we, as humans, aspire to be. We are born capable of the spectrum of vibration, and while love is the natural state, we can choose any other vibration we want. Having said that, I believe anything less than love is a choice to deviate from what is natural. That is why I know, in my heart and soul, that what I share with Suzanne is the most natural thing in the world, born of love, nurtured in love, and created anew daily in love.

As I sat last evening and felt Suzanne’s experience as she recalled her conversation yesterday, like so many conversations before, with a dear friend about why he is having a hard time “redefining” marriage to be inclusive… as I sat while she explained to me that his marriage was too “sacred” to share with us… as I sat while the sadness poured from her soul… as I sat and watched the tears stream from her heart… as I sat while she doubted the people of Maine & the outcome of the vote on November 6… as I sat while she so eloquently detailed all the empty and false reasons why we shouldn’t have access to legal marriage… why we are not “created equal”… as I sat with her sorrow… my blood began to boil.

On November 6, we vote for love or for hate. We vote for inclusion or exclusion. We vote to be bigger than we were or to stay stuck in segregation and discrimination. We have an opportunity to set an example for the rest of our country, or not.

I am deeply saddened, but not at all surprised, that religious entities are the biggest supporters of the campaign for discrimination. “But the Bible clearly says…” Hogwash. I’m tired of hearing what the Bible says. I don’t even want to capitalize the word “Bible” right now. I’m only doing it out of respect. Go pick out all the implicit instructions in the Bible, number them, and tell me what percentage are actually applicable in today’s world. Who wrote the Bible? Go pick out a book in the Bible and then tell me it hasn’t been interpreted 100 different ways. Who’s the main character in the Bible? I’ll answer this one for you – Jesus. What did Jesus preach? Love. What did Jesus advocate? Love. Who did Jesus discriminate against? No one.

There is a place for religion – to commune and share love with each other. Unfortunately, religious entities are choosing something other than love. And they are doing it out of fear. I think it’s a fear of God and what they believe God wants. I think people are trying to do what they think is right. But unfortunately, and all too often, people turn to religious entities and stop thinking for themselves. They forget that they are in control of their own hearts and minds. We are God. God isn’t an entity outside of us. We are part of that “higher power.” Pull up your britches, people, and take some accountability.

Also, and all too often, religious entities lie. They are spouting lies all over the place right now. I know this to be true. I know what legal rights I do and don’t have. Churches are telling people that I have equal rights and that I shouldn’t be asking for more equality in this world because I’m just as protected by the law as my married friends and family. THESE ARE LIES. And when the church says, “we love you, we just don’t love your behavior,” well I’m sorry, but all I heard is “I don’t love.” What did Jesus preach, share, and embody…. Love. Do I have faith in religious entities that don’t choose love?…. No. I do not.

I am angry. I am angry that people won’t take the time and energy to think for themselves. I’m angry that people won’t educate themselves to the law. I’m angry that people would rather be spoon-fed lies than seek out truth. I’m angry that people won’t open their hearts and minds. I’m angry that a very large percentage of the population thinks it’s ok to discriminate against me. I’m angry that those same people think they are more deserving of rights. And I’m angry that they think they are somehow closer to God than I am. I choose love every day of my life. I live and love in the manner that Jesus taught. And I’m tired of religious zealots telling me that there is something unnatural and undeserving about me.

Every thought and every action we take adds to define us as who we are. If you are one of those people who believes me unequal to you and undeserving of your ‘sacred’ marriage, I have this to say… no matter how you frame it, or what language you couch it in… you are choosing hate and exclusion. I pray for you, not for me, that you won’t define yourself this way."

Thank you to the countless people pouring love our way.  We are immensely grateful for all of you spinning a cocoon of protection around us. We are finding our center, the heart of our life in our family and our partnership and we are standing tall.